Lowering our Defenses

Empathy Power Up

When something we hold sacred like our beliefs and values are questioned, our first inclination is to defend them or live in denial that other alternatives exist. Often they show up as traditions that we carry on from generation to generation. At an organizational level, this same type of thinking might show up as “this is the way we’ve always done it.”

These are characteristics that have been baked into our culture, and we’ve become conditioned to hold fast to these values and traditions. We rarely sit back to question why we hold these traditions so closely or where they come from.

In this episode of Empathy Power Up, we examine the two concepts of Defensiveness and Denial. These are Characteristics of Our Culture, and are two huge blockers towards a more compassionate and empathetic world. Defensiveness is defined as “serving to defend or protect,” and Denial is the act of declaring something to be untrue. Both of these ideas discount other people’s beliefs and values system in favor of our own.

Tema Okun, whose work inspired this series, says that “this type of thinking creates an oppressive culture where people are afraid to speak their truth.” It’s dangerous when we are afraid to speak up–we may not feel seen or heard, or worse yet, resentful. It creates a dysfunctional dynamic that prioritizes comfort over mental and emotional safety.

Our first step is to come out of denial to recognize what we’re defending, to stop the cycle of dysfunction. It’s important as people with power that we loosen our grip on the values and beliefs we hold so tightly and realize we’re defending one way of looking at a scenario. Responding thoughtfully with both love and power.

There’s many questions to ask ourselves: what are we defending or protecting? What is true and what is untrue? Who are our traditions unintentionally impacting? If it is working for me, who is it not working for? And finally, how might we prioritize safety over comfort? It is through answering these questions that we can truly begin to change an oppressive culture.

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This episode is inspired by Tema Okun’s Characteristics of White Supremacy Culture, which brings to light the water we swim in--of the dominant culture that acts as poisons that we’ve digested our whole lives and need to be examined. Today’s reflection question is - How might I prioritize rest over rush to the truly urgent things?

Amy J. Wilson is a change leader, community builder, movement maker, and an empathy advocate. She specializes in building and sustaining compassionate cultures that can hold change. She has challenged the status quo and redesigned systems centered on compassion and equity at more than a dozen organizations and can both set and implement the vision. The main topics in this podcast were first presented in Amy’s book: Empathy for Change: How to Create an Understanding World: https://www.amazon.com/Empathy-Change-Create-Understanding-World. Grab a copy or download the audiobook on Audible to learn more.

Kevin A.K.A Captain Empathy is the Founder and CEO of Jaago (means to wake-up in Hindi). Jaago’s vision is to create a world where people seek to understand one another by making empathy a daily habit. He is a tech leader and IOT (Internet of Things) pioneer and expert. He brings practical experience, lived experience, and his transparent growth journey to the podcast.

Follow:

• Kevin at @shahkevin or https://linktr.ee/shahkevin
• Amy at @realamyjwilson or www.AmyJWilson.com

Cover Art Design: Amy J. Wilson with Canva