Forget About Being Brilliant. JUST SHOW UP

The Art of Being Yay!

This week, I had a hard time picking my vlog topic.
Last week I wrote about my HIV diagnosis. The week before, I wrote about my friend's suicide. The week before, I wrote about my husband's death from cancer. This week, I didn't feel like I had anything important to say.

I mean, if I don’t have anything poignant to say, should I say anything at all? I mean, after all, I am the EMPOWERMENT GUY. If I don’t have an empowering message that reaches your heart, then what is the point of any of this? That's when, I thought, calm down Meryl Streep. Who said everything you do has to have some deep meaning. I am not Shakespeare, and he took an entire year to put out new pieces of work!

I am writing a video log once a week. It's hard to be thought provoking every single week. So, I’m composing this because I have promised you a newsletter and vlog every Friday. I am producing this video because I said I would and that is good enough! And if it sucks, it sucks.

I thought about how I got into stand-up comedy. This is how I got the balls to get into stand-up comedy. Since I was 13 years old, I wanted to be a stand-up comedian. I saw Margaret Cho in her one woman comedy show; I’m The One That I Want. She entered the stage and let it rip. She was so honest. She was appreciated and celebrated by people; OMG amazing. She brought people joy.

I started observing all of the Comedy Central specials circa 2000. I thought comedians were going to be as amazing as Margaret. That was not the case. Much of what I saw was just, ok.

Cut to the year 2012. I wanted to try stand-up comedy. I was scared. What if I’m unfunny? What if everyone hates me? What if I’m unsuccessful? Then, I watched a Comedy Central special on television. Again I thought. The performance was just ok average; and this comedian who shall remain nameless was super famous. Then I thought... You know what? If this person can get that famous presenting that material, then it must mean I don’t have to be amazing. I just have to show up and do my best. Maybe some people will like me.

Literally, the mediocrity of a person with a television special allowed me enough room to not have to be perfect.

I have that attitude every time I go on stage. I go on stage, say what I believe is funny. I hope people like it and I don’t have to be the most brilliant. I can improve where I'm able.

That attitude took me from grinding open mic nights to being an international headliner in six years. When I messed up on stage, I’d say to myself, “Meh. I'll do better next time. Fix this joke here, fix that joke there." Boom! Before I knew it, my jokes were killer.

Acting for me was the same.

Have you guys ever heard of Intimate Portrait on the Lifetime Channel for women? Back in 1999 way before Dance Moms the lineup on Lifetime was Designing Women reruns from 4:00 to 5:00 PM, Golden Girls reruns from 5:00 to 6:00 PM, Supermarket Sweep reruns from 6:00 to 7:00 PM. And then Intimate Portrait at 7:00 PM. Intimate Portrait was a show about biographies of amazing women in entertainment. Maya Angelou, Bette Davis, Betty White, Meryl Streep...

The one that inspired me the most was the episode about Pamela Anderson. First of all, I was really surprised Pamela Anderson was profiled. I loved it because literally her attitude was like, hey I’m not trying to win an Oscar. I just wanna make people happy and have fun. I thought, well then, mission accomplished! She seemed like she was having fun. Think about how many boys who watched her on Baywatch. Think about how many boys she made extremely happy. So many crunchy socks all over America.

When I auditioned for the school play, I though about Pamela Anderson. I don’t have to be brilliant. I just need to show up and do my best. I auditioned for a musical in high school. I barely made the ensemble. I performed my way up to a leading role and touring internationally.

Today, what have I got to say? I made a commitment, and I am showing up. I'm sharing what’s going on, honestly. So far in my life showing up, being honest and working to improve has done well for me.

This post may not be the most thought provoking or brilliant post.

But I showed up. And sometimes you're allowed to suck.

I'll be candid I don’t think it sucks. As far as I’m concerned, if you show up, you don’t suck. You’re on your way. Thanks guys!