Episode 176: Abuser. Narcissist. Sociopath. with Annette Oltmans

The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast

This week we are talking about the differences between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and why (or why not) those differences even matter. I received so much positive feedback when Annette Oltmans was on the show last time that I invited her back to explore this topic with me.

Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion for founding The M3ND Project in 2016.

Show Highlights

• What is the difference between narcissists, abusers, and sociopaths and does it matter? (6:28)
• Why it is important to look at the way someone makes you feel as opposed to focusing on a partner’s diagnosis or label (9:02)
• The maze of confusion and what it is like to be in a conversation with an abuser (13:53)
• All narcissists are abusers but not all abusers are narcissists (14:13)
• Annette shares the Pillars of Abuse (26:08)
• How to know when an abusive partner is truly working to change their behaviors. For one: they will have setbacks but still show longstanding evidence of change (40:00)
• Communication problems are not the core issue of abusive relationships (46:39)

Learn more about Annette Oltmans:

Annette Oltmans is a philanthropist and passionate human rights advocate. Annette’s personal experiences of prolonged emotional abuse in marriage and her extensive journey of recovery including comprehensive field research into the topics of Original Abuse and Double Abuse® ignited her passion to founding The M3ND Project in 2016. While seeking the help of professionals and responders, she experienced Double Abuse® in the form of spiritual and institutional abuse. These harmful encounters compelled Annette in her relentless pursuit for solutions that involved interviews with hundreds of victims and survivors. She uncovered common threads that cause victims prolonged states of confusion as well as what ultimately led them towards healing. Her journey also involved interviews with hundreds of faith-based leaders and therapists which led her to discover that most are untrained and ill-equipped to identify and help victims of emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. In working to prevent and remediate such harm, Annette developed protocoled models that are now being taught and implemented with therapists, churches and professional organizations across the United States. She consulted with esteemed experts in abuse, trauma, and healing to ensure the materials align with the highest professional standards. Annette also serves on the Board of Pepperdine University’s Boone Center for the Family and is a Board of Trustee member of Northrise University in Zambia. Her writing on these topics of abuse, domestic violence, and bullying has been published in the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC), Teen Vogue, and numerous other publications. Annette is also a contributing author in the newly released book, "Created to Thrive: Cultivating Abuse-Free Safe Communities".

Resources & Links: Information and links can also be found at: https://kateanthony.com/podcast/abuser-narcissist-sociopath-with-annette-oltmans/

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