Kink, Consent and Centering Community w L.T.

The Ethical Rainmaker

Practicing consent is a powerful tool. Here are links for content mentioned in the show (and sign up for our mailing list?):

• Michelle talks with L.T., a pleasure-based sex educator, kink-trainer, pro-Dom, healer, and activist in the movement to transform/end mass incarceration
• L.T.’s next public appearance will be on 9/24/20, at Politrix, a panel of sex worker, sex educators, activists, and lawyers to unpack and analyze the impact of new legislation
• Gratitude to Mista DC for letting us use their song “HAPPYer NOW" throughout this episode - it's so good right?

Definitions:

• Consent: Agreement to do something or not do something. A living idea that we are constantly building on. A way to reduce harm.
• Informed and Unanimous Consent: We are not going to make changes without the other party being informed and enthusiastic. Not centering our own pleasures and desires in those agreements. Not coercing the other party to do something that is only beneficial to us.
• BDSM: Bondage and Discipline (BD,) Dominance and Submission (DS,) Sadism and Masochism (SM)
• Kink: There is so much XXX-rated content out there and I don’t have your consent.

References: This episode doesn’t have references to link to inasmuch as it has some great examples and conversations to really listen in to. Themes like...

• Kink as a healing modality: Asking for your needs to be met by others.
• Setting proper expectations between two parties in any type of relationship and honoring vs breaking the agreement due to power hierarchy.
• Renegotiating changes to expectations.
• Understanding that yes doesn't mean forever, no doesn’t mean forever and maybe means no. “No.” as a complete sentence.
• Open communication, precise language and dedication to communication in service to healthy relationships.
• Self-awareness around what we desire and what struggles we are having as part of our responsibility.
• Power dynamics in funder-grantee relationships. Npo and relationship to the communities we say we are serving etc.
• Drawing boundaries around what we are and are not comfortable with, from conversation topics to invitations.
• Relationships and narratives that need adjustment or readjustment.
• Buying a service or making a large gift, doesn’t mean that people are being bought.
• Being Black in a society of white supremacy, the criminalization of black and brown bodies and socialization.
• Non-conventional, non-colonized ideas around sexual expression, identity and orientation and reclaiming identity and power in white supremacy.
• The connection for asking for what we need and power in collective unity as applied to mutual aid, environment etc.
• I briefly mentioned community as unpaid consultants as summarized in S1:E4 with Chuck Warpehoski!

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