Episode 326: Reducing Alcohol Use & Clutching to a Dying Relationship


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Hello, friends. In this episode, I answer two questions about when substance abuse becomes a problem, and not wanting relationships to end or accepting it’s time to move on, even when it is resulting in unhappiness.

Question 1:

Hi Dr. Duff! I have a question regarding substance abuse/dependency. How do I know when there is a problem? Lately, I’ve been trying to be better about moderating how much alcohol and weed I have because I worry I like them too much. But I often wonder how to know when I like them a little TOO much. Since trying to moderate, I have had binging problems as well. It’s like knowing I am trying not to have it makes it harder to not have it, and then I indulge a lot because I tell myself to just get it out of my system. Then it all kind of starts over. I’m not binging like crazy but just enough that it makes me question what’s normal and what’s not.

Question 2:

Hello Dr. Duff,

I’ve only recently discovered your podcast, but I have found it very interesting and helpful in this time of my life.

I was in a relationship for only five months, we had been friends since I moved to this area, about six months before dating, and most of my friends in this city are also in this group of people. The relationship was open, and other romantic relationships were allowed.

Four the first four months neither of us saw other people, just casually. He decided to take on a second partner during my hardest week – while I was in the middle of moving, of having to give up my cat of 7 years, and the week I had quit my second job. We hadn’t set real boundaries yet, the ones we discussed in the beginning of our relationship were basic and, in his words, “loose”. So, we had that discussion that week, too, and he did not like the boundaries I set but assured me if he wanted to break up it would have happened that night.

Immediately after, he got cold and distant and stopped messaging me the way he had been, wouldn’t make plans with me, and when I did see him, he was always looking for reasons to leave. And I broke mentally, I had nightmares, I had breakdowns, I had days where I couldn’t decide between going to the ER or worse. We broke up this past weekend, and I’m not so much hurt that it ended but how it ended, in all this period of time was four weeks between that boundaries talk and the breakup. I had tried so hard to hold on, I made compromises to my boundaries, I begged him to tell me how he felt. I don’t understand why I accommodated him so much to try and get him to stay.

I am getting professional help now. But I would like to know, why do I break down so severely and hold on so tightly when I can feel the end is coming?

Episode 326 – Related Posts

As well as listening to the podcast, you can also find my thoughts on the questions in written format in these related posts!

Question 1 – How Much Is Too Much? Reducing Alcohol And Substance Abuse – Duff The Psych

Question 2 – Why do I hold on so tightly when my relationship is ending? – Duff The Psych


This episode of Hardcore Self Help is sponsored by BetterHelp and Uncommon Goods.

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The post Episode 326: Reducing Alcohol Use & Clutching to a Dying Relationship appeared first on Duff The Psych.

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