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Manage episode 308867371 series 3022405
How relating to others evolves with mBraining.
Would your relationships benefit from being able to relate to your family in a better way? In this episode with Erico Crosina we explore how mBraining changes the way you relate to others.
Enrico Crosina is an mBIT Trainer and mBIT Master Coach. He Trained with Marvin Oka and Grant Soosalu and is now coaching clients from Newcastle in Australia. You can connect with Enrico at www.enricocrosina.com
You know what I believe mBraining gives. And when people say, if you have to tell me one thing that mBraining will give me, and I always most of the time always apart from courage is awareness, because when you became aware of your paterns and what you do and what you say, you start asking yourself, what did I just say that? Why did I say that? And if you really go inward instead of going outward going inside, you understand you start really feeling understanding why you say that
You are listening to the mBraining Show, a show about the new field of mBIT, where you’ll get a blend of neuroscience based research with practical applications for wise living. And now here’s your host Bill Gasiamis.
Bill Gasiamis here this episode of the mBraining show is brought to you by the mBraining coaching cards. If you’re a coach looking for tools to help you take your coaching session to the next level, then you may want to consider grabbing a pack of the and mBraining coaching cards.
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Each pack contains 46 cards with different questions and prompts for you to ask your client during coaching. They are made in Australia from high quality coated paper and protected by clear box to ensure safe and easy storage packs start from around $47 including tax and deliveries free to any address in Australia.
Go along to revealsolutions.com.au click the shop link and check them out for international listeners outside of the Asia Pacific region go to revealsolutions.co.uk My guest today is Enrico Crosina. Enrico is an mBIT Master coach and mBIT master trainer Enrico . Welcome to the podcast.
Thank you for accepting me. Thank you for having me with you.
Yeah, thanks for being here, man. You used to live in Italy, right?
Yeah, I born and grow in Italy until in 19 sorry, in 2005 I had an encounter, and meet the person that really transformed my vision of life in the way I approach and feel about life. And I decided she’s Australian, of course, and I’ve been up and down for two years, every four weeks, four weeks in Italy, six weeks, Australia up and down six, seven times a year for two years.
I had enough and then we had our first kid in 2007 just after Christmas. And you know, I was coming back to Australia and I was seeing this kid and I was going to pick up my son and I could see this little things are slipping back. So you know (inaudible) I don’t like that.
I’d really like to squeeze and play with my kids. So I decided we kind of the best I can to say that so we moved in 10 years now 2009, July 2009. And I’ve been here since then.
Well, man, I was going to ask you, what was it like to make a decision to move from another country to Australia. And the reason I was going to ask is, I didn’t understand the circumstances under which you moved. So you had something motivating you to come here.
But I reflect back on, you know, my parents and a lot of other Italian families and Greek families and all sorts of different families that come to Australia. They leave everything behind them, they come over. I imagined that although you had a very big reason to be here. What’s your gut telling you about all the reasons you shouldn’t go?
Well, I tell you that process now knowing mBraining and teaching and practicing and mBraining . I got if I go back, I understand what’s going on. At that time, there was a lot of fear, a lot of doubts, a lot of doubts from the head asking, you know, is the right thing to do.
But at the end of the day, the force that was, there was really hard. There was really my heart that force was pulling me to Australia was bigger than the fears that I had to, to leave everything behind. And the only thing that was really keeping me there was my mom and dad, and my son, Georgio.
But stories that my ex wife decided that Georgio would have had more possibilities to come to Australia with me and basically asked me Can you please take Georgio with you, you know, as a mom has been a massive choice. I can just imagine what was there but in Georgio was with me so when that thing has been solved.
And mom and dad and my dad told me as much as I would suffer for you, and I will miss you is more the happiness than I’ve been I feel for you because I know that you going to be in a good place because Karen is really special.
So you know when the heart is being fulfilled with my dad and you know the missing was really hard to me was really more than the gut the gut decision was made a didn’t have any problem with it was more relationship more about heart you know leaving.
I love Italy I grew up in Italy by at the end of the day you know I just did it is when you already I don’t know if you’ve been in the army I was on airborne and the first standard to jump out from my plane. You know, you made all the trainings, you know everything and that’s a fear jumping.
At the end of the day just needs trust. Trust that is you know what to do you know how to do and you trust the process and just jump thats what I did.
It’s interesting. I spoke to my parents about why they came and what they had to do it and they don’t use a lot of words to describe it. They just say, ah, we had the money. We went to work We came here that was it.
And I’m sure it wasn’t it I’m sure there was a lot more going on because I think about when I need to leave just my family just for a couple of days just to go somewhere and there’s no doubt that I enjoy my time wherever I am.
But that inability to just you know, when you take for granted that Oh, hi, how you going? And what are you doing today and all that kind of stuff? That stuff starts to become a real what’s the word a real issue for the heart. It’s like a what’s how come I can’t say that to him right now? I want to be able to say that now.
I believe that is really a cultural you agree completely. I believe that is a cultural thing. And I was in Paris last Sunday. I flew in on Saturday and I flew back on Sunday, I was there to for a warship to run a workshop in mBraining workshop, and by just leaving on the Saturday asking my wife, you know, keep our kids are they there?
And the kids and she just say you know what, just go man, I can manage the families it’s just got but it’s just that the feeling of detachment of leaving some behind and I’m still you know saying I’m not flying back to Europe.
I perfectly understand what you’re talking about and I believe that is cultural the these are the people that just jump on the plane and go and happy I enjoy my time in Paris has been an awesome experience. I was keep texting you know checking other kids are you know when they go to that’s the way we are, I believe.
Yeah. there’s nothing wrong with it.
Yeah, my kids are young, 8 and 12. And so of course being there’s a lot of interaction that is very different, especially after learning in mBraining and really making mBraining part of my life. I deal with them in a very different way. So the way I talk to them is very different. The linguistic that I use is very different. I never asked him what do you think about this?
I always ask why they feel about if you would put yourself there, how would you feel if they arrived with you? And then I can add some other ideas now what can you do different so I talked to them in a very different way. And I see them growing in a very different way.
And I believe that really, and we’ve got through that, you know why but really mBraining especially kids day grow with different with a different way to look at the experiencing the world, their life, and I’m missing that missing.
So when I go away for today, one day, it’s been I tell you and sorry for taking another 30 seconds or winning I was in India two years ago. And I was in a place in an order that the Wi Fi was really bad was really really bad.
And my kids especially the little one was six and took me three months I had to take in three months to a our beloved kinesiologist because he was he suffered of detachment because I could not see him I was calling every day but just listen to the voice was a very different story.
I believe that you know, seeing your, as I see talking like that the unfortunately past the see a few months back. But even if being in Australia, I could see him and I could that could really fulfill my heart and see moving you know, expressing yourself.
The voice is not enough. And he was going through the difficult times this little thing. So now after that experience, that attachment has been even even more so I got that this really is the right thing to do. Yes, you know, I feel is I know and I have to do it because of course, you’re committed with worshipping work it’s a bit rocky road but part of being parent, I believe
Part of being alive man. It was interesting. What you said about your dad and being able to see him because my parents they left when they left and came that was in the 60s obviously there’s no such thing as it know, anything and they only wrote a letter once every so often.
And even then they never hardly got to talk on the telephone because was too expensive for them to call to make phone calls. So did you do you find what was it like early on early on there wasn’t a lot of Skype there wasn’t a lot of zoom or any of that kind of stuff.
Did you see a completely massive difference in the way that you were able to feel about being away from him such a distance away? Did it make you feel better once you guys all discovered zoom on or Skype they were able to get on?
It’s a good question because if I listen to you, asking me this, I can’t imagine that maybe that time not having Skype and on I mean electronics not having basically a full tool computer here. I didn’t even there was not a problem.
I mean, when I had to go and I’ve been in the nation of archery team, Italian archery team for many years. And I was going on tournament all over the place every week. And I was going away for two days for a week for a couple of weeks. And it’s never been a problem. Never been a problem.
Okay, get a couple of coins and kilometers a day. I’m okay. It’s going good. I’m doing good. Thank you. Ciao ciao I love you ciao. That’s all. Now with the possibilities like we know that we have a possibility to call and interact with your home. It’s like that change. The change is changing the way we believe that I have it. Or now I can see more I can touch I can talk to more I can interact more.
If I go back in time, I don’t The only time that I’m spending hours on the phone with my girlfriends. But it’s I believe it’s quite normal because you know that he is chasing on the phone for hours and hours and hours but when I was going around was never been.
It’s never been a big issue has been an issue maybe the beginning when I left Italy to come Australia, it was 2009 because my dad didn’t have a computer. I didn’t know how to use a computer. So I was calling I was calling home through Skype I was calling the landline number in box here is you say your parents at that time?
I don’t know, maybe they moved in the 60s or in the 60s. I can imagine that the cost of telephone. Now when I moved to Australia, Skype was already existing. So even if my day was not knowing how to use that, I could use that and spend really sense to call at least to talk to them.
Weekly. But you know, in the past, there was not a problem maybe because we didn’t have the possibility to me the possibility you don’t even think about and it’s okay. It’s just going
You just get on with life. I’ve curious about you know, when you reflect on Georgio as a boy, and then your other kids was there quite a gap first. It was quite a gap between Georgio and the second child?
Yeah massive Georgio is 29. Next year will be 30 and my elder of the little ones is 12. So it’s a big gap.
Awesome. So I want you to reflect on the Enrico before mBraining and NLP and how you managed a relationship with a young child and bringing that child up and navigating fatherhood and all that kind of stuff.
And then you go into this other world of NLP and mBraining and now you’re raising almost it’s not fair on Georgio, but almost a second opportunity to do things different better, right? I don’t know what the word is like, you know, what’s the difference between how Georgio was raised by you and how your other kids were raised by you?
Well, this is good. We got going on a bit more specifically on my own stuff. Unfortunately, when Georgio not because Georgio was born, Georgio has been a bless. And he still is. When Georgio was born, I was going through very, very hard times.
My dad had got through a scam. He had a restaurant pizzeria in Italy and he had a stroke bad stroke basically they gave him six months to live and live for 20 just passed away at the end of July. And the when that happened, we were part of the overlocker business company so he bankrupt but we bankrupt myself, my mom and my sister all full family.
In Georgio of course, was born in 2000 sorry 1990 that I was going through this process he was very toddler was two three years old. And of course, I’ll be missing completely is huge because I was so much in the mess of these because there involved a computer company in the meantime.
So my def fail, and daddy influenced my company. So I went through really hard times I’ll try to survive not to bankrupt on the other side is where helping my dad to pay off all the stuff was really messing up and I’d be missing this. And on top of this, my ex wife was very, very particular location of Eastern Europe a very strict very regime with Georgio’s always be very conflicting.
And I was not there to counter balancing not that I’m soft by you know, giving something and unfortunately I haven’t given it and that is really really as been influencing massively in you know, we had a long discussion really infinity discussion about the fact that now is be bringing out this he brought out this year’s he is back now now at the beginning where we just want to say that because of course, he was seeing the way I was interacting with the other two.
And, and especially if they’re going to start in the process of learning personal developing learning themes learning and appeal. Wow. You need to squint and mBraining after that, he told me brought up the fact that now look about the way you deal with them now that you know happened with me I say Georgio in that time, the only thing I know and I really guy can really, really, really absolutely be absolutely certain and in peace with my heart is that in that very moment.
I did the very best I could for you. And that’s it. We didn’t have even money to buy food. He was not the only one that was eating home. But it was gone for four months, six, seven months. I was really in a state that you slept really in a van for a period because I didn’t have the money to win really bad times. But I tried to do my very best.
But I was not there as a figure. I was not there as a father. I was not there to support him as I was not there to loving him as I do with my kids. So it is true. is a question is a nice look at (inaudible) mBraining change me deeply and change the way I behave and interact with people and my kids.
But also Georgio was unfortunately come to our place maybe there wasn’t a license but it was a challenge for me and say okay now give you this you have this little thing you need to do your best so because you’re doing your best I give you this and now you’re in trouble now what do you do.
And I got in trouble with this man because of course the mess but he’s been missing alot been missing our conversation and it’s happened with my dad I can share this with you because this is very similar things through mBraining you know I started a personal development in I got shot with Tony Robbins and say oh my god, I want to be able to transform people as he does from the stage.
So with starting with the with NLP and then I discovered on mBraining as being magical complete transform I have goosebumps talking about it i get goosebumps everywhere because it is something magical.
Through that process in our being. I’m a trainer in (inaudible) therapy. I’m an NLP trainer i went throught all the water processes to discover after I became a trainer and I started really mBraining myself regularly every day to became a better person a better me that I’ve been molested when I was six.
And that memory was completely, you know come out from nowhere and oh my god so that explain many things about especially that explain my relationship with my dad that has been very, very, very rocky completely not because my dad was the molester but because my dad sent me to the this daycare that was managed by priest.
They organize this camp somewhere. I was really six years old was a little kid and I remember that I was bullied they were beating me up and then this thing happened. I was calling home say if I can, can you please come and pick me up I don’t want to be here.
And my dad at the restaurant in Venice, you can imagine August in Venice of the thousands. He was making 900 pizzas that day. Just to give you an idea so I unconsciously consider him the guilty for what happened to me.
So when they think I discovered this I was 40 and 51 I was already in Australia. Now I’m in Australia. My dad is back in Italy. I miss all his all his all this relationship that Georgio miss me for different reasons I did.
I miss that with my dad. And when they haven’t said, Oh, crap, and I want to do now now he’s in Italy. So we spent really hours and hours and hours over the phone explaining myself to him because I was feeling the one that was guilty in not even giving back or giving something as a child.
As a son, then Georgio Georgio has been on the other side, pointing fingers. You didn’t do this for me do this for me. So it’s been hard as we have. So yes, and brandy changes the way I interact with my kids. But the relationship that I have with Georgia were affected by something as as my dad and my relation was the fact that from something I didn’t add any clue, I tell you until I was 51.
So for 45 years, I didn’t remember a single thing about that that happened. Then when they emerged, they made a lot of sense from many, many things, many behavior, many of the reason why I’ve been creating a certain ways and relationship that I had and a lot of things
That’s amazing. So your understanding of your Self completely changed. And that explained a lot of things, to have answers to a lot of issues that we create, or we put ourselves in, you know, situations that are difficult or we have behaviors that are not appropriate for certain situations. You have to have an explanation for that it doesn’t make it an excuse.
It’s not, I wasn’t responsible for that behavior. No, you were, but you can go, Well, I know where that stems from. And I now have the ability to intervene and change those things that I don’t like about myself, and I’m speaking to you.
I’m speaking to you about your experience. But of course, I’m also sharing about my experience, because there was definitely a time in my life where I became a dad at 21. So you can imagine the resources that a 21 year old who’s literally a couple of years out of school has
You’re still a teenager at 21. What do you know about life?
Yeah. When it comes to parenting, I mean, you have no idea. Yeah. And you’re just doing the bare minimum and you’re trying to survive and you’ve got, you’re just hemorrhaging money because you need to survive. You need to keep your wife, your well and healthy at home with the baby and all that kind of stuff. It’s crazy stuff.
And I noticed that I had a lot of behaviors that I didn’t like, but I didn’t have a way to intervene. And I had a lot of behaviors that were causing me grief, my family grief. And now that I reflect on it, it wasn’t doing a lot for my relationship with my children, my wife, the people around me, anybody.
So just really bizarre thing going on, where I know I’m not doing the right thing all the time. I’m trying my hardest, but I don’t know how to fix it or how to change it. And that’s the biggest that was the most challenging, most frustrating parts, like, my kids hate me, but I don’t know how to fix it.
And then there’s that time where you walk into a classroom for the first time and there’s there’s dude’s talking about mBraining and you’re going wow what are the implications of this? Like, how do I apply what I’ve just learned?
And then as the four days evolves, it’s like, wow, this changes the game in every way, shape, or form. Just to know for me Enrico, just to know, that I could use the word feel was a game changer because I used to apply the word think, to everything before.
And when I used to get what do you think about having a relationship with me? For example, that’s not something I asked somebody, but if I do, what do you think about having a relationship with me? Of course, what I’m doing is going to create doubts for that person in their head.
Why you asked me that. Yeah.
But just to know that I could use the word feel and that brings them down to their heart and connects them to another place so now the heads doubts so I’m not interested. I’m going to hear what the heart has to say.
And that’s what I started to do with my children as well as started to use the word feel. What do you know about this? What do you feel about that? How can we be creative about that? And the conversation changed and my children, I reckon there’s a line in the sand where they went from being, you know, dad before mBraining, and relationship with that after mBraining.
And that’s not to say that we don’t have challenges did they’re still kids, we still have challenges, and I’m still not perfect. So we have challenges, but I can do a lot of what I never used to do, which is apologize for my behavior.
Yeah. You don’t be what I believe mBraining gives when people say, if you have to tell me one thing that nobody will give me. And I always most of the time, always apart from courage, but is awareness. Because when you become aware of your patterns and what you do and what do you say, you start asking yourself, what did I just say that? Why did I say that?
And if you really go in inward if you’re going outward, go inside. You understand? You start really feeling understanding why you say that. But and you can correct yourself you can correct your behavior. So, but if until now consider that we are managed by our unconscious mind, the majority of everything we do and say and behave.
When you become aware of your patterns, because really what mBraining is phenomenal, you know that is about that we are not coaching the content, we are coaching the process, we are learning about what is making, which is the process that makes someone behave and believes in some things.
When you give you awareness about that, and that should transform your life my life completely because now I’m aware. I can change it. I can give another example about Georgio. I’m very happy person. I’m joking. I don’t want to you know, tease people because I don’t like to be teased.
So I don’t do that. with Georgio sometimes we were in Australia, maybe meeting new people and I was he was coming out with something that was really interesting. I was just joking about this with him, my way was to joking he was taking that personality and get really upset with me one time two times, apparently one day really explosive.
You need to stop, do that thing. What is that thing? When did I say this? This he always talking about me. And you know, I don’t want you to do this in front of people blah blah and say, Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I didn’t know there was a problem. And after a couple days, we met with other people.
And I went on the same path and I started to do it. And as soon as I started to say, but you do it again. Every time I turn around, I turned around and say Georgio I’m sorry. Now I almost do that again. I’m sorry. And I never did it again because I knew but until I became aware of that because he told me I would have not met never understand I would kept going on and damage our relationship.
So mBraining really gives you an awareness about you, how you do things. Why you feeling this way? Why you have as you asked me before, what about your gut how you gut this feeling when you are in the process of making a decision, you feel okay you feel your you know your luck, you have a knot in your stomach, what’s going on inside you mBraining gives to people that awareness.
And that is gold because any kind of decision making that could be personal relationship in your work and your anything you do even when you play chess and you have to move some piece instead of another. If you really feel your intuition, gut intuition, the way you feeling.
When you feel that moving something you’re making this choice is you know, you’re cringing. You can say, stop a second, breathe, relax, really feel because if you feel it that way, is possibly not the right thing for you. It’s better to consider other possibilities. But until you get to that awareness now so mBraining gives these two people that’s why is sensational.
I love what you said Enrico about apologizing to your son catching yourself in the moment and apologizing. I know from somebody who’s there never apologize for anything. Not because he wasn’t feeling bad about something he did or said or anything. Just that’s the way they were. They didn’t apologize.
You don’t do that. Because you’re not used to that.
Yeah, you just get on with life. Right. And, you know, at the beginning, I suppose before I became aware of why people do certain things, and stop judging and stop making my own stories about why my dad did this or what my dad did that there was no reason it didn’t do it because he was mean or nasty.
He just didn’t do it. They didn’t apologize. So when I am when I understood the power of apology for to my son’s like, what that meant and what I was missing out on when I didn’t get an apology when I was influential at their age.
You could say that they really take a lot of Lot of times I’ll take a lot of comfort out of the fact that for whatever reason you were under resourced, you know, struggling with work or trouble at home or finances or, you know, you’re just a human, you had a bad day and you had to go with them, or you took something out on them.
But to go back and apologize and to give the children the power of that apology was just an amazing thing. And I was like my parents, early on, I didn’t apologize for things until I realized how much I needed apologies from time to time, and it wasn’t because I needed to be wrong, right? It was just to be acknowledged that you, you did the wrong thing to me, You hurt me a little bit.
And now with my children, I can do that. And they don’t have to carry all this resentment to their dad when they don’t have the resources to understand what is going on in my life. And they can just go Okay, he was an idiot, and he accepted it and he said, are to me.
And what I think it’s doing that I never had was it’s just giving an example to them that you know, what if they apologize in future to anybody that it’s going to be really empowering to them and to the other person. And it’s going to change the nature of the challenge of the relationship.
And if there is a challenge there, it kind of softens the edges of that issue and that challenge, and it allows for healing and forgiveness to happen quicker, and at least in my experience. So I love that you said that you now notice yourself doing that, because that’s one of the things that has been able to massively impact in a positive way, my relationship with my children, and not only my children, my wife, who
And I believe in life you know life in general, because I believe that when you go inside really became aware of you, and you start respecting yourself, because the more you know yourself, the more you start accepting yourself in your walker is if you start accepting yourself, when you accept yourself.
There’s something that i find on my personally myself, I stopped judging because now I’m accepting myself because my judgment I believe judgment in people is because is we pointed the finger about something we don’t like about ourselves somewhere outside, okay by the moment and you’re really honest with you and you start really doing go through the process.
Trough mBraining means association or for that is be really understanding that okay. Oh, wow, I discovered something new today. You know what, I love myself? Yes, that’s a good thing. But I’m very uncomfortable. I don’t know if I can love myself. Yes, you can. Do I deserve to love myself? Oh, yes, you do deserve to love yourself.
And when we start doing that, we start judging. When you start judging, you start really looking at things in a very completely different way. You never know with the front of you what is going through. Even if you come to your appointment with the Maserati, and dress up with the Ferragamo.
You don’t know anything they are just things the way his living his life and his pains. You don’t know anything so judging someone charging in a situation just from your own biases your perspective that is not from hard but it’s from the sun very limited in the in this really I tell you the way I take to the kids one of the kids i have the little one 18 years old his teacher called me a couple of weeks ago.
So he’s been involved in a fight okay we do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and we love that but Brazilian Jiu Jitsu teach them not to fight I mean teach you to defend yourself and believing in defending yourself but you’re not attacking anyone. So it’s weird it’s not in this nature. So I am about to say but I have to say that I’m really proud of him the way he reacted to these things okay.
So I asked him what’s going on and he basically saying that this boy when I’m telling you F this one and F this one and F this one and a lot of swearing in cussing in bad things about him and he was totally cool. And he is fiery he is very fiery is it is a little ferret. Interesting.
So what how did you feel and say, you know what he was telling me all these kind of things about I, I know that I was not any of those. So, what I have to say something I just prefer to say just a listening is wow, 18 years old already at that level I’m doing I’m proud of myself.
I mean, I give him a pat on my shoulders and man you’re doing a good job because if that is the way the attitude towards people towards the don’t take the things personally was not about you. I still don’t do them myself.
I’m still learning how not to do that and my kids already because obviously I believe that they neurological tissues are very, very faster and they grow faster than mind that I’m 57 so they learn these patterns in the modes of because they understand that if you don’t get in a fight, you don’t get in trouble.
You don’t, get hurt you can possibly not do some harm create some harm on other people. So you know better sit back and be kind. Be kind doesn’t mean because of course, be kind for that means Who are you from Canada everyone will come and kick my and kick me no be kind means then you decide that you love yourself you love this, you kind with people because kindness is created a different energy, throw out a different energy than anger.
Anger is really powerful, as much as kindness so they are deciding to be kind because they know on the other side that they can defend themselves if they need. They are bullied, but they are they are really learning how to be kind. And that is massive. We can do this with every school and every kid and every teenager. Our society will be completely different story.
If we teach in talking to rock between humans with kindness instead of aggressiveness instead of judgment instead of anger, we live in a paradise and life will be the world will be very difficult I believe is part was part of the grand visually in in using really embracing on a global scale to change the perspective to change the awareness to change a consciousness allow we leave our life and evolve through that.
Yeah, kindness is like compassion, right?
is that point being compassionate to others while there is but before yourself, you have to know self compassion, self kindness. And once you know that and you’re good with that and you’re comfortable with that, then you can have compassion for others in any other circumstance.
And I just know about some of the conversations I’ve had with my family about, you know, people that we don’t speak to that overseas. And you know, those relationships that have become frayed over the years, between uncles and aunties and siblings and all that kind of stuff.
And it was interesting and I was overseas some years ago and I went and saw my uncle who nobody from my family have spoken to for 10 or 15 years or longer. And I went and saw him and there were all shocked and amazed.
And when I came back, they all responded differently, I would never have gone. The other person said, is that what he said, You know, one person said, That’s typical. That’s what he would say. And it’s really bizarre. I was just passing on news information.
I wasn’t doing anything but they were going to judgment. And I lived in the same house with everybody who, you know, who also wasn’t talking to them, but I went there and I spoke to him and I just saw another man who was going through his own hard upbringing, the same hard upbringing that my dad had when he left the house, the family home.
So he was just as lacking in resources and not only the emotional and cognitive resources and the physical abilities. He also was lacking the environmental resources because He was living it was just after, you know, a war and then a civil war, all of the stuff that goes with it.
So you look back and you go, okay, I don’t like some of the things that he did or said the behaviors that he displayed. But really that guy is just going through everything like everyone else’s. So I was able to go and see him and be curious about him who he was his lifestyle and it’s not much different from my dad.
They just have a couple of things that they disagree on, but they don’t have the skills or the resources or the heart to go you know what I forgive you, you’re doing the best you can with the resources you’ve got available to you don’t know that that’s a sentence that even exists, let alone that they can use and they struggle.
I believe that culturally we are Greek and Italian. We had that problem with pride as well. Sometimes pride of being you know you do something to me so you know, be pride. I’m right. You’re wrong and You really need as you say, to step on, different move down from you, you and your heart.
Really give a chance to be compassionate in you know, and this is really what are you telling me the story of missing is like a reference charge structure, emotional reference touch that is losing, they simply don’t know that because never, never never show them.
I’ve been doing recently through my mBraining development and been doing recently a lot of mentoring with volunteer mentoring with teenagers and young adults. So from year 8, up to 12 and it just a little bit older.
And you get in touch with kids that if you don’t know them, or if you’re not going through a lot of work on yourself, you will judge them as you know, that kid is like this, that kid is like this, but when you sit down and talk to them, you understand how much should they be missing on examples on principle ports on anything that could couldn’t give them in line.
And you as a mentor, just sitting down listening to these people, I call them people because there are others. They’re young where they are, they are people anywhere, they are adults. For me, they talk to you, just being there listening, giving them the space where they can talk and tell you something, and ever, you know, somebody on the other side that I’m just helping them to bring out more and understand what’s going on.
There are some their life really, really that is missing their emotional, emotional learning that we never had, especially after the war after the war. Probably like in Italy, Greece, Italy, all Europe didn’t have food that you know, had anything that were really was a fight to survive after the war.
And I perfectly understand that because my my mom went to the war, my dad went through the war they my dad was born in 1933. So really between just before and during the Second World War. And you remember there there’s been moments that are really pretty Bed it and you know and it’s dead.
Dad was trying to he said before to supply the family as we do war for the family bring the money pay keep hobby they had six seven kids so a lot of kids and so what did they do with Luciana was my dad was a genius in his own they put him on there was a Tata okay at the time they put him in a special school with the managed by the church like sort of college.
And basically was seen is dad every six months once every six months every four months. So He’s been missing that contact you know he’s been missing that really emotional intelligence will give you heart and I remember the night when I when my first Italian national championship.
I was 15 as a 15 years old you know like now if the kids come home and say you know what, I just sween the soccer game at school. I give them i high five I squeeze I play with them and my dad bought me a new vest by new guitar a new staff and they didn’t say awesome they didn’t give me high they didn’t give me an i five nothing.
And I’ve struggled with that. I really suffered deeply with them until later in life as an adult, I come to know this stories and say okay, now I understand why he was there emotionally shy because it was he had a big heart but he didn’t know how to show that heart.
So he was very someone from outside is called is like old CS and he was not simply as your uncle, that even learn how to use this. This incredible thing here and I’m more surely how to connect with people.
And when I here now was last year in Melbourne, I think some of you remember and some school in Melbourne, come up with the saw that they wanted to preview the kids in primary school to hug each other and say what kids touch everything they touch themselves and bring this tool everywhere they are because that’s the way they kinesthetically, learn how to interact with another human being.
If you take away that kind of emotional intelligence, that that act, that it’s really learning for them in teaching them how to interact with others. Don’t be surprised that a 15 years when they are 15, were teenagers. They go around and punch people or then abuse girls because they don’t know better.
They don’t know how to interact with other humans. How because they are bad because they are wrong because they don’t know how to in this way, mBraining should be put in school and we are working on and all that all the planets, few trainers and coaches that are really pushing to put mBraining to reintroduce the mBraining in schools.
Because they will really change the way kids grow unfortunate societies what it is technologies what it is is always there humanizing people more and more we can do anything we want but we don’t know how to talk with people anymore we send texts and most of the texts my kids send me sometimes what the?
In plain English please, what is that thing? (jibberish) Can you speak English? Can you send me a text in plain English that my 57 years old brain will understand
Or pick up the phone and speak to me.
Use your voice no, they don’t do that anymore because of course this is easy and takes your the possibility for you to be to show your vulnerability. I don’t show no one wants to show that because of course when you open up especially gut brain about bond boundaries and in blocks, you know i protection.
I don’t want to show the real me because maybe they will judge me and so what when they judge you think is happening? Are you dying for that? No, I don’t like it. Okay, fair enough. You don’t like it? But where you don’t like it like he don’t like it he will do like in your gut I say I think I don’t like it here.
Really. So forget for a second and I use foregt about this then. So I say this this and this how you have this feeling? Sad but it’s not that bad. Yeah, so just these are Incredible Machine. And we know the way we use it in sometimes in not appropriate ways.
But when we able to detach the energy or more part of this energy, or combination, let’s say it’s no more because it’s not really stop thinking is using the power of the creativity in your brain with your compassion. And with your chorus really isn’t grannies teaching us to use that integrating the state?
They cannot use just because they have can be biased as well. You can get in law with something medley. can be really really really dangerous as well. So that’s why we teach them and I teach my kids always feel your Tommy once you tell me tell me how you feeling very first feeling is good feeling or not okay if is that he asked you how to go up in your hand or you ask the feeling about this.
Oh sweet okay. And you hear it okay? So I really teach them to integrate their free intelligence is because they are perceiving life in a very different way. And in when I do this my clients they discover through mBraining because this is a basically mBraining they discovered a new realities. Oh, I never thought about another felt in this way.
I never consider this and okay, so what if now you consider this and how your life is changing? massively. It’s like having I know, I need an expert in something I called you, Bill. I know you’re an expert about this. Can you help me and I call someone else is an expert about something.
So I integrate this free intelligences to get to a better results. That is really making good better decision. That means having better relationships, in your work in your personal life with your kids with yourself. First of all, it’s really, really an evolving and evolving theme that is incredibly powerful.
Yeah. And it’s you giving the gift of a reference structure. It’s what we spoke about, at the beginning of this loop. We’re speaking about the giving the gift of a reference structure that they will always have, and they can always refer back to non like, unfortunately, some of our dads and our moms and our parents and our uncles and that’s okay.
They didn’t have that reference structures to go back to I’ve coached people that have gone Oh my God, like, that’s actually something I can do. Or I can ask or that’s a way that I can behave or that’s something I can say. That’s like, yeah, like that person’s been doing it for their whole life. And there’s another person who’s been doing it forever as well. So if they can do it, is there a reason why you can’t do it?
Yeah but also being what is really important for me to teach them and for them to do that aware of that, that we are constantly becoming a different person, you know, we grant was using you metal maturana in the saying that we are no human beings that you will become it because we became an every experience that we do.
Every feeling that we feel every action that we take changes, I have a conversation that I’m having the conversation with you I’m learning about your family, they are they will come back as they are I can I will find points of connection with something that I experience. So we transform ourselves. So the kids now know that there’s not one life on two lines.
There you go. And that’s it forever. Every action and every decision that you make, will have ripple effect that will take you to consider and explore different ways. So really let them understand it. There is no one to single thing and some universe of things you know like, like in geometry between two points, you can have just one single line.
But if you can see that from one single point that are infinite lines and exactly what it is, I say, guys, you making this phase when you make a decision is your decision I’m not saying right good, bad, whatever is your decision that will change and take you to other considerations.
So, this is what it really important also the talking about reference such about understanding the reference structure, change constantly, constantly change based on your experience you transform yourself in possibly in a better human being in a better version of yourself every second every every moment of your life in the open to different possibilities and roles will take you to challenges because they are life is crap because this giving me this okay, hold on a second.
Go back in time you make this decision. decree this report fact that takes you here. I never consider that. Yeah. So we can go back in time, the moment taking my client back to the moment slave on timeline therapy going, Becky, okay, you made this decision? What if now, you feel a different way? What if now you make a different decision, or they would have taken, of course, taking a different trajectory? Now we have two different points here, here.
But as we say, between the two points, we have a line. So you have this one here, and you would have could have been here. So how can you What can you do on Can you turn full, we need to become to move from me challenge to what you could have added if you would have made a different decision.
And there’s always a path because we are focusing so much on the problem that we don’t see that that we can change yet. Okay, and go back and finish where we wanted to be. We are really focused on on the problem, but the haften the gut I believe that are really theyare like compas as they are helping us to move from this and the focus from the main pilot problem or a problem means that we are possibilities because the problem has possibilities in the problem and when we start looking at that your life is as well
But you really need to start understanding and in really install in yourself the the feeling of the understanding that it’s nothing is written, anything can change, everything can change in every day, you know, we have the compassion and gratitude exercise, but also the exercise with the kids So, okay, what do you do today that you could have done differently?
Yeah, because I really want them to start understanding that some this year they didn’t make them happy. Oh wow. I was not happy I did. This is okay. What could you been doing differently? And they are absolutely able to tell you that you know, I could have done this. I could have done this.
Cool is a learning process because next time, they will learn and do things in a different way, because they really brought this up is what we do with our clients or what I do my clients I’m really helping them to consider when they come with a problem. Okay, how does that occur?
Why that is a problem, what takes you to create the problem because you create that awareness again, we got an awareness, we got to give them a plastic like neuroplasticity reference structure that change and evolve the the ontology,
You’re not slipping into the same river. Every day. Every day. The river is different. It’s a New River, it might look the same to you Am I being the same place but there’s no doubt a rock has moved, a twig fallen in there, some mud has come away. There’s more water in it one day, less water in it the next day.
When you step in that river. It’s the same river, but it’s not the same river. It’s completely different River. Always evolving you know, so made some, this has been a really interesting episode, I never expected it to go down this path. And this is what I love about mBraining and our episodes, they just go where they go.
And we’ve been talking about relating, and how relationships have changed and evolved before mBraining and mBraining . I want to talk about one relationship that unfortunately, has changed for both of us is that and and for our community and for the people that knew him. Unfortunately, you know, Grant’s not with us anymore, and that he passed away on June 10, this year 2019.
And you know, that he was one of my greatest teachers. He was one of the people that really took me down this path wholeheartedly, and I really got a lot out of our friendship. I love the man. I still do. And it was a really difficult day when I found that it finally passed, but I was glad that he was no longer in pain, no longer suffering.
He went through that for I think a couple of years all that pain and suffering. And from my understanding he and from what I’ve spoken to Fiona, you know, he took it all in his stride and he was still working. He was still releasing pro programs and doing work and sending us amazing resources so that we could be forever aware of all the things that we could do to support the community and the rest of it.
I just want to understand a little bit about how grant came into your life what was that connected you two guys?
It’s been by chance I discovered mBraining by chance I don’t remember who sent me an email saying that is this w backs this world and corporate business online summit in one of the session before the summit that free in one of the session available was mBraining okay, what is this mBraining i love neuro science.
I love the heart this nice picture as a listener. And I think was probably On slide 20 15 slides in this stuff that I was i couldn’t stay sitting on my chair and man this thing is one of the missing so it’s like a glue that put together all this you know kind of therapy gets us therapy everything is coming together.
This is a so I went on google it was probably midnight one o’clock in the morning a window Google who is this Grant Susaloo never heard about and I find on Google his Facebook link I went on Facebook, I sent him a friendship and I sent him a message say I just said this and I love what he what I heard I want to learn this thing and he answer me he answer me right away typical Grant.
Even in the morning
Yeah oh and always available for everyone be big, big heart yeah, we have a training coming next month. So how much they cost this one okay, send the money immediately that night and I and I start my day the process of of learning this mBraining, I’ve been lucky as you In many, not all of us, unfortunately but we have both of them both the creator of mBraining Grant and Marvin.
Marvin another phenomenon, the way he was delivering and making the session the coaching session. I I still use this linguistic in my practice that was sensational. And I learned this in mBraining then became a story of this is not even a relationship with Grant because was that was even more than they you know was my mentor was became my best friend became my mate became the one that we argue about that we swear each other on about stuff that we didn’t agree.
I didn’t like stuff about things and community and the people behave in some way. I was calling as a man ever seen this yeah body always trying to put a different pair of glasses on or compassionate calming calm Man
I mean about all the time you know. And that piece of me off I remember that we had and you know what? In he knows that because we agreed I recorded the our conversation and I find that I and really massive amount of recordings about our conversation and one of them that I will never never ever Of course none other because they were very personal.
We agree that this is for you. This is for me that will never ever ever be really shared with anyone. Any one of them you I’m totally new to I feel man you and your compassion and you start I want you to get upset. Tell me something about these I was really upset and he was you know the way he was talking rather.
This another way to look at things okay, this is my way to look at it. Can you look at my the see my way for a moment? No, I don’t want to. I choose not to he was killing me. He was killing me. And in I don’t know was that everything difficult man I’m struggling.
Sorry for your loss man I understand what you’re going through.
I did Sorry for interrupting I did the workshop last last week in prayer for the Australian people therapist Association and I pulled because I feel that is was you for me to put after the first slide is a picture and talking about Grant could not finish talking like she isn’t so yeah, I’m missing I’m really missing the spark I’m missing the fire I’m missing the share that with me I agree with you before before he was still sending me texts to send me messages.
Send me a say grant. I would like to create a program program based on these say, you know, what is something I was doing to the But you know, I’m really I cannot do this anymore and he sent me his material He will send me stuff and staying in shape got stuff from the sun developing this way they come back to me unfortunately.
I will have to trust my gut and my heart and finish this program my way with it nice final approval. But he was he was there for everyone until the very ending he was also the man I was crying and he was telling me all the story of the depth of the suffering in really in in I felt like a blast if I can use that in any kind of relationship.
Yeah, yeah, he might. He was like this with everyone. He was always available for for anything and everything and you say recording new things, recording new stuff. And, man, I’m missing I’m missing the spark honestly, and I respect everyone and every training and master training is community. But it’s not the same. Yeah, fortunately, is Not the same.
Yeah an amazing energy man of quality, completely different to anyone I had ever met before. Definitely one of a kind. I also used to record my conversations
God they were absolutely God because in this conversation he was coming out with ease not because this knowledge was ridiculous. Yeah. He said always about everything was. And I say that we in the classroom, you have no idea.
You couldn’t talk to grant about anything. And you want to come up with stuff that hokey? How you know that I you know, I read sometimes I read them and then I’m going to read something else. And I feel nice to be to be a safe lady because he was dedicating his life in studying and transformed his studying in something that people could use to him. There was
I think there was only one time he told me not to record a conversation and I completely understand why. Yeah, and it was for serious, serious personal reasons and I respected that I didn’t record it. But I recorded the other conversations with His permission as well.
Because I didn’t want to forget what he said. I wanted to make sure that when I wanted to go back and listen to that I could listen to it and get an understanding for him. And I never did that early on thinking, I’m gonna lose this guy. I should record this stuff because when he dies, I’m not gonna have anything. It was because I knew that when I rang him for five minutes, that was a two hour conversation. There was no
like Kevin was saying, see my phone ringing and say grant Bello, it’s a girlfriend, Callie. Okay, what’s my girlfriend? Let’s go on. And, as you say, five minutes. grant me a couple of minutes of your time. Yeah, no worries, man. And I went off and there was so many gods in there nuggets that they really developed other things.
Yeah, what’s really gone? Yeah, I didn’t do that. It’s a beer with that intention of all this is going to happen. And I was really too is like it’s cool. I had a professor at school a teacher there was such an incredible teacher without lighting. But he was talking talking talking to me. So we start recording we asked you can we record you and then you know put the transcript on the same was we bring with Greiner.
Yeah. That was amazing. Man. I really miss the man. Man. And I can tell you, I know if I can say that. But a couple of days, couple of 334 days ago, I was sitting in the kitchen you and I say f you bastard. Yeah. Did you really have to pass you in our in our back from my half? Really? We need this about you? I’m missing that. Yeah.
I hear you, man. Well, this is where we’re going to continue honoring him in our own unique way. Helping people supporting people sharing stories about him. So I thank you for being on the podcast. I really appreciate your time as well. I really appreciate getting to know you over the years.
We have Connected for a couple of years but yeah, watching you evolve. And being part of that evolution with you is like really important to me and it’s been something that’s been really useful because now I can observe myself and other humans as well.
So when I see a tree when I see a behavior in somebody that makes my eyes My eyebrows raised, like you said, it’s me projecting and noticing and then I’m going okay, so I get to learn your openness, your honesty, like it’s been really it’s been really refreshing you know, I really enjoy it.
So thanks for for being you and for being vulnerable and allowing yourself to evolve and emerge and you know, just become this different, more more enhanced version of yourself and in fact, Grant will probably have a better word but I’m going to use enhanced
in as he said, Walker, thank you for having me. I really appreciate that. Yeah, it’s been a few years and you know, the is really growing and becoming a better person, a better version of ourselves. Every Today is really what really is importantly becaming coming from compassion with love in a heartbeat. I know that our action sometimes done they don’t reflect that.
But is what I try to do to be a better person as much as I can with people try not to just try and use the word tribe because I know this and if people feel about the best thing you can do is really keep pushing and raining keep really make people aware of that because I still find people that they don’t know anything.
Not just common people, ordinary people, but really professionals professionals didn’t know anything about Bernie and never heard about. Yeah. When they hear about and they connect the points we what they already know, because mBraining, and then I’ll let you go. mBraining is like a complimentary. It’s something like a glue that put together a lot of things a lot of your practice.
So as I say to my clients, And my my students I don’t want you to forget about everything this is Just mBraining is integrating and give you more perspective other to perspective gut and heart perspective on what else you’re already doing.
And when they understand that when this thing that NLP can be transferred also Oh, (inaudible) NLPto my heart it needs to get metaphor oh wow they open the open the infinite possibility. Thank you for having me it’s been it’s been it’s been good to catch up with you it’s been way too much I’m not coming to Melbourne very often unfortunately because of course
You live far away
We are far away you (inaudible) not close enough. You’d be far away from those but, anyway.
Be well man I really appreciate your time before we do go where if people are interested in speaking to you about coaching or a course or anything like that, where’s the best place that can go to find you?
The best place is my website and he is under construction. will be finished in the next couple of days is enricocrosina.com in the developed as my main website. I’m also in the process of doing something took from Grant that is mbracembraining.com I played around the mBraining, multiple Braining and Embrace so it’s not like embrace with the EM but with the M, mBrace mBraining.com.
That is a place that I want to use for anything that is about compassion about it three, how you know special the three brains compassion, courage in creativity and also creativity with it next with an extreme of everything that will go around the kind of information really like an informative, very easily interesting that people can understand what is about mBrace mBraining.com will be advertising my main website so people can find that.
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