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Psychotherapist Jeff Lutes holds candid conversations with remarkable lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender couples about what makes great relationships really work. Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/jefflutes/support
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show series
 
"AN ABUNDANCE MENTALITY" - Mark Holzbach and Dana Friis-Hansen from Grand Rapids, Michigan, have been together 30 years. In this episode, they share how they first met, the vast differences in their coming out experiences, and how art, high tech, world travel, and creating friendships in multiple communities have strengthened their bond.--- Support…
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"HAWK FEATHERS AND FIERCE VULNERABILITY” - Some people hold their first date in a fancy restaurant on a cruise ship. Not Jenell and Angela. After connecting online, they decided to meet halfway between Houston and Austin and proceeded to spend the next 10 hours getting to know each other at a taco stand in a gas station, over a piece of pie at a re…
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"ALMOST STONEWALL, ALMOST WOODSTOCK, ABSOLUTE LOVE" - For nearly 36 years, Gary Cooper and Richard Hartgrove have loved one another, faced multiple challenges, and given unselfishly to the LGBTQ community in many ways. They first met when Gary lived in Honolulu and Richard was in New York. For about 4 years their connection was primarily sexual, bu…
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"LONGEVITY AND A KING-SIZE ELECTRIC BLANKET" - In this episode, Kelly and Sarah Ross talk about their 17 relationship and how they persevered despite the death of Kelly’s mom, the rejection when Sarah came out to her parents, and the challenges of supporting each other in very different career paths. The secret to their longevity seems to be rooted…
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"NOTHING SAYS LESBIAN LOVE LIKE A PEZ DISPENSER" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Denice Bain and Mary Priddy from Bastrop County, Texas. Denice and Mary have been together 16 years, after a colleague at Dell played matchmaker. Don't miss the heartwarming story about their 3rd date, and how they ended up putting a homeless man in a hotel for 3 ni…
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"CHALLENGING GRANDIOSITY AND PATRIARCHY IN COUPLES & COUPLES THERAPY" - Today Jeff takes a break from the usual format of interviewing couples to welcome a very special guest. Terry Real is the founder of the Relational Life Institute in Arlington, Massachusetts. He is a nationally recognized family therapist, teacher, and author and he will be the…
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"SOMETIMES COMMITMENT TRANSCENDS THE SELF" - Tony Shelton and Ross Smith from Houston, Texas, have been together 28 years. Have you ever heard of someone meeting their husband at the very first party after they come out? That's what happened to Ross! In this episode, Tony and Ross talk about how they met and what they've learned over the years abou…
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"FROM UNREQUITED CRUSHES TO THE GIRL SCOUTS" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Jena Recer and Karen Phemister. Karen is a water quality scientist for the City of Austin and Jena is soap maker and a pet sitter. In fact, they were pet sitting when we spoke and you'll hear "Lil Bit", a teacup Chihuahua/Terrier mix in the background. Karen & Jena talk…
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"YODEL AND THEN DISMANTLE CLASSISM” - Ann Benson and Iris Harrell from Santa Rosa, California, met 40 years ago when Iris heard Ann sing and yodel at an all lesbian coffee house sponsored by the National Organization of Women. In this episode, they talk about coming out and getting together in the midst of the women's movement and how a 3-day works…
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"EMPATHY, STRESS, AND POSITIVE ILLUSIONS" - Today Jeff shares some thoughts based on the work of Helen Fisher, the biological anthropologist who ran people through a brain scanner and discovered three parts of the brain that get activated among those in happy long-term relationships. Jeff mixes a bit of neuroscience with personal stories and practi…
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"ACADEMIC MEETS VIKING IN GROUP THERAPY" - Prior to coming out, Paige Schilt thought her interest in gender and sexual minorities was purely intellectual and academic. Katy Koonce, on the other hand, became quickly self-aware when a friend took her to a topless lesbian football game! Years later, they met in a psychotherapy group and fell in love a…
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"I JUST CALLED TO SAY I LOVE YOU" - David Ferguson and Dana Hall met in church 18 years ago and went to dinner one stormy night after a congregant played matchmaker. They married in Iowa, and over the years learned the importance of saying "I love you" often - in person, on the phone, and by text. These two gentle souls have given so much of themse…
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"RESOUNDING HARMONY AND A NEW POTATO MASHER" - In this episode, Jeff talks with Kim Wisdom and Carmen Field from Richardson, Texas. Carmen remembers being mesmerized by Kim after hearing her sing at a concert, and Kim recalls having an equally strong attraction to Carmen the first time she saw her. They share their challenges in the early days as K…
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"46 YEARS AND STILL THRIVING AFTER TRANSITION" - In this episode, Julie and Joanne Nemecek from Jackson, Michigan tell their remarkable story of meeting in college when Julie was still "John". They married, had three boys, and later survived Julie's transition with many prayers, tears, and hugs. Joanne ultimately stood by Julie because of their dee…
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"JUST THE PRICE OF ADMISSION" - Lynne Weynand and Marilyn Buckner from Coupeville, Washington met in a music class in 1973. But for the next 20 years, they lived very different lives. In their mid-forties they reconnected and have now been together 21 years. They talk about the importance of kindness, how they accommodate their differences, balanci…
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"LOVE WELCOMES ALL: HOW A CHRISTIAN MOM BECAME A FIERCE ADVOCATE FOR HER TRANS DAUGHTER" - Today Jeff takes a break from the usual format of interviewing LGBTQ couples. Instead, he has a conversation with Kimberly Shappley, a Christian mother of seven who once served in Joel Osteen's megachurch. When her young child, Kai, told her repeatedly "Mom, …
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"JEFF LEARNS FROM TWO OF HIS SHEROES”- Suzanne Bryant and Sarah Goodfriend are a remarkable couple of 34 years that share a deep commitment to making the world a better place. In this episode, they talk about the early "Tweety Bird" moments, parenting two adopted daughters, coping with cancer, creating a family of choice, managing their careers, an…
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“WHEN BREAKING UP IS NOT AN OPTION” In this episode, Chad Peevy and Pasha Sabori talk about building a life together. Chad tried to sabotage the relationship three times, but Pasha persisted and now they are busy growing incredibly successful careers while still attending to the needs of their relationship on a daily basis.--- Support this podcast:…
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"ON BEING ADULTS (BUT CERTAINLY NOT GROWN UPS)" - Mary Summerall and Anne Woods met in a writer’s group while they were both in other relationships. They reconnected on Facebook a few years later when those relationships had ended. In this episode, they talk about what they’ve learned in their 10 years together about coping with differences, being …
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"KARAOKE, THE GOLDEN GIRLS, & RADICAL AUTHENTICITY" - Sometimes couples that choose an open or polyamorous relationship are judged and misunderstood by others. In this episode, Adam Maurer and MaSean Fontenot give us a refreshingly honest look at what it takes to create a non-monogamous relationship that really works. But first, they talk about com…
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"I LOVE YOU AND I LIKE YOU" - Caitlin MacIntyre and Jennifer Luu met on the Equality Ride; a two month bus tour of young people trying to change hearts and minds at religious colleges and universities with policies that discriminate against LGBTQ students. Now they are parents that actively teach their son their values about social justice, consent…
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"FIRST DATE DINNER, SECOND DATE AFRICAN SAFARI" - Gregg Kaminsky is the co-founder of R Family Vacations and Daniel MacDonald is a Broadway producer and a television entrepreneur. Gregg and Dan have been together 18 years and on this episode they talk about their unusual second date, appearing on a Bravo documentary, getting married, family, and th…
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"BE INTERESTED, LISTEN, AND DON'T TRY TO CHANGE EACH OTHER" - Pat Freeman and Martha Knowles have been together 23 years. They worked at the Texas Attorney General's Office for many years, but neither realized the other was gay until they met at a welcoming and affirming church. In this episode, they talk about coming out, family, caring for one an…
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"MENTORING OTHERS TOWARD RECOVERY" - Research indicates that approximately 30% of the LGBTQ community struggles with some form of addiction. In this episode, Ivan Carlos Zheral'dovich and Fabio Zuluaga from Houston talk about their 24 year relationship, the early battles with addiction, the process of recovery, and how they became leaders in helpin…
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"SWITCHING TRAINS AND CREATING SANCTUARY" - Ken Martin and Tom Cole have been together 43 years and live on 14 lush acres in Manor, Texas. Ken is a retired clergyperson and Tom is a retired art director in the television & film industry. Jeff visited their farm and talked with them about how they met and went on to help thousands in Chicago, Hollyw…
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"LOVING EACH OTHER MORE THAN HALF A CENTURY" - Jeff visits the home of Bobby Dell Adcock and Rosie Williams in Austin, Texas. These two incredible woman, both in their 80's, met in 1965 but loved each other in secrecy for the first 40 years of their relationship. Now, they are out and active members in their LGBTQ community of faith. Spoiler Alert …
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"18 YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE AND DEEPLY CONNECTED" - Bryan Cotton and Joan Valaderez live in Houston, Texas. Bryan is a financial advisor and Joan is a teacher. In this conversation with Jeff, they share their vastly different coming out experiences and what they are learning about themselves and each other as their relationship grows. This young couple…
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"LIVING WITH COURAGE AND AUTHENTICITY" - Dotti Berry and Roby Sapp live in Blaine, Washington and they are simply amazing. Life has thrown them the kind of curve balls that would have derailed most couples long ago. Yet, against all odds, they have found ways to flourish in their love for each other. They even traveled the country for an entire yea…
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"SOMETIMES ANGELS ARE GAY" - Kelvon Hansen and Neil Ely live in San Marcos, Texas and have been together for 33 years. They own and operate Akya-Aveda Concept Salon and are incredibly talented in their profession. But that's just what they do for a living. Their real gifts shine in the way they care for others; including those that are dying. Givin…
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"BAYLOR UNIVERSITY TO MARRIAGE 40 YEARS LATER" - Jeff visits the gorgeous home of Micki Grimland and Mary Margaret Bodenhamer in Houston, Texas. Micki is a psychotherapist and Mary Margaret is in an executive in the pharmaceutical sales industry. These two beautiful women recall the chemistry between them as students at Baylor University and how th…
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" JOURNEY TO SERVING OTHERS ON GRATIDUDE RANCH" - Jason Warner and deMarco DeCiccio from Franklin, Tennessee have packed a lot into their 17 years together. They met at a restaurant in LA, traveled the country as a gospel singing duo, and now share a ranch with their amazing twin boys as they feed and love hundreds of children and adults in their c…
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"FOUR LITTLE WORDS FROM TWO QUEER FOLKSINGERS" - Lisa Rogers and Maurine McLean from Austin, Texas have been together for 36 years. Jeff drank coffee in their kitchen as Lisa (a social work professor) and Maurine (a Spanish translator and court room interpreter) talked about their life together and their folk band of 31 years called the "Therapy Si…
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"FROM CRYSTAL METH TO COPARENTING AND CONNECTION" - Jeff Zacharias and Bradd Easton own and operate New Hope Recovery Center - an addictions treatment program in Chicago. Later in the episode, Jeff shares how his own addictions nearly killed him, how Bradd supported him in recovery, and what they've learned about relationships and addiction in the …
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"TWO HEARTS HOLD EIGHT CHILDREN" - Jeff visits the home of Della Nagle and Ruth Pinkham, an amazing couple together 33 years in San Antonio, Texas. In this heartfelt conversation, they share how they met as summer camp counselors and went on to become teachers and parent 8 children that came to them in a variety of ways. Della talks about how she t…
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"YOUNG BANKER MEETS HEAD OF THE HOMOSEXUALS" - Toby Johnson & Kip Dollar live in Austin, Texas and have been together for 34 years. Jeff visited their beautiful home and listened as they shared stories about how they met (it's a bit like the Ellen "coming out" episode), blended both sides of the family, and operated businesses together. They talked…
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