Clean Mouth // Standing Out From the Crowd, Part 4

A Different Perspective Official Podcast

What we say – and how we say it – is really important. We can build relationships or destroy them. We can dominate people, or we can pull alongside them. It’s an area we all need to pay some attention to.

One of the symptoms of the busy, busy world, this transactional world that we're living in is the way that we talk to one another. Maybe you know that old school yard ditty, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me", but the reality is that what people say to one another and how they say it can really hurt.

How many of us can point to something somebody said to us either last week or maybe half a life time ago, something that really hurt. I never cease to be amazed at how we people talk to one another, almost like the other person doesn't matter. We all do it, the words that come out of our mouths and the tone of our voices and the expression on our faces, those are the things that truly tell people who we are - it's scary isn't it?

This week on the program we're talking about standing out from the crowd and I guess the sub plot to that is standing out for the right reasons not the wrong reasons.

So many people want to be noticed and they want to be on top and they want to win and they want to be successful and they want to have people think well of them and pat them on the back and this whole success culture, celebrity culture that we go with, I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about standing out in peoples hearts, I'm talking about people looking at us and our lives and how we behave and how we speak and saying, 'that person has really impacted my life for good'.

Communicating is something that all of us do many, many times each day. We communicate in a whole bunch of different ways, our facial expressions, our body language, the words we use, the tone of our voice, what we do and we're going to look at that in the next program and you know one thing we often don't add to that communication list, the most important one is how we listen because how well we listen shows what we think of the other person.

But lets just concentrate for the moment on what we say and how we say it. Words are such incredibly powerful things; they can be so uplifting or so destructive. Just one or two different words can turn something from being a compliment into an insult or the tone in our voice can turn something from being encouraging to being cynical and damaging.

We can all think of examples in our lives, I can think of examples in my life, you know when people use judgemental language towards us, "why did you do it that way? Why did you let this happen?"

I was just on the phone to a builder recently who was doing some work for me and something had been seriously delayed and that delay was causing me quite some inconvenience. Now I really don't like delays and the easiest thing, in fact the thing that I really, really wanted to do was rip his head off and we all know words that we could use to do just that. "Why haven't you done this? How could you let this happen? This isn't good enough! I've had enough!"

Think about that, it's victim language, it's aggressive and it accuses him and it damages the relationship. Actually, what I had to do was summon up all my self control and let me tell you it wasn't easy and let him know firmly that this was causing me pain and that I really needed something done urgently without tearing him apart, without attacking him, this guy is actually a good builder.

You know what, Jesus said:

From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. From the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

Isn't that profound? In fact He said, "What goes into a mans mouth doesn't make him unclean, it's what comes out of his mouth that makes him unclean." One of the biggest things that we can do to really stand out from the crowd, I mean for the right reasons, is to look at what comes out of our mouths, what we say and how we say it.

There are so many times in life when other people deserve a caning for how they've treated us or how they've forgotten to do something or how they've failed us. That’s life, it is always going to happen but we get to choose how we respond, we get to choose what we say and how we say it.

We can still assert ourselves without being aggressive, without accusing, without damaging relationships and like with me and the builder, some days, can I tell you, some days it is just not going to be easy. At the same time we can be people who encourage others, to ring them and say, "gee, I saw you do this or that and I just wanted to say how blessed I was or how impressed I was or how encouraged I was."

I've been unwell recently and a very good friend of mine is travelling overseas in the United Kingdom and just a couple of times he's sent me a SMS message to say, "Been thinking of you, how are you doing? I'll be back next week." I mean that costs nothing to communicate like that - nothing but when we do those things it builds the other person up. Or simply we show appreciation and we say "please" and "thank you", and what we're saying to them is, "You know something, I value you. I value who you are, I value what you do". Or we just notice that someone looks exhausted and we empathise with them.

The apostle Paul was not one to mince his words; he was very direct with people. You read any of the stuff that he wrote in the New Testament and sometimes he can be very direct but this is also what he wrote. It happens in Ephesians, chapter 4, he said:

"Do not let any evil talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building other people up according to their needs so that it benefits those who are listening."

Isn't that really profound? "Don't talk rubbish, don't talk angry stuff, don't talk destructive stuff, only let things come out of your mouth that builds other people up however they need building up, things that benefit those who are listening."

Get rid of all the bitterness and the rage and the anger and the brawling and the slander along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other just as in Christ God forgave you.

In fact ...” he goes on to say, "... in this be imitators of God as God’s beloved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

You see, what Paul’s saying there is you know, when we stop ourselves from tearing someone apart, when we say, "I'm not going to say that to the person" it can be hard, it's a sacrifice sometimes but in this we should be imitators of God and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us.

I am not a naturally patient person. It's something I've had to learn and I have to tell you it's a skill that I am still learning but just think for a minute, think, "how do we want people to talk to us?" Well isn't that the way we should talk with them? Gentle, kind, loving because when we do that it builds a bridge into their hearts and then, when we do have difficult things to talk about, there's a point of connection, there's a bridge, a relationship to walk over.

What happens in our hearts is so often reflected through our mouths. What we say matters, we can make it count or not. We can speak for good or for evil. One way or another, you know something; we will end up standing out from the crowd.