And I, I Did Not Know...

CrossWalk Community Church Napa

“And I, I did not know.” The best part of this story, in my humble opinion. Jacob was undoubtedly aware that he was running for his life after his brother, Esau, out of his rightful fortune. But he was probably not aware of the deeper currents running in his psyche that influence him to deceive his father, his brother, his mother, and himself so deeply. He did not know about his inner workings – at least not enough to correct course if he cared at all.

Jacob likely believed that God (or gods) existed as a way of understanding the universe and his place in it. Yet he was perhaps not aware of how his cosmology affected his spirituality (I thought angels had wings – why take the stairs?). He knew he was experiencing a “thin place”, yet seemingly failed to recognize that everywhere is a “thin place” where the divine can be encountered. More, he didn’t realize that “thin places” are less about geography and more about mentality - our own capacity to slow down and see what is right before us all the time.

Jacob’s making a cairn as a marker and reminder of the experience was a good idea, yet he was apparently unaware of his own hubris evident in his statement of “faith” – a transactional agreement that was very human but not very humble. “I’ll make you my God if you help me win the lottery” and its myriad iterations and variations miss the point of walking humbly with God entirely. This type of faith is control-oriented and isn’t faith at all. We remain God.

Jacob was unaware of just who this God was that was being revealed in his vulnerability. This God was one who came with blessing and encouragement despite Jacob’s character flaws – a constant presence of love and grace wooing Jacob toward the deep wellbeing for him and all of creation represented by that rich Jewish word, shalom.

How aware are you? What don’t you know? About yourself – a mix of wheat and weeds that won’t be separated in this life except by your own work through? About your cosmology and its effect on your worldview and spirituality? About your own hubris when it comes to faith? About the character and nature of God as an original blesser and the implications thereof?