Ask Justin: Disgust In Sexual Contexts

Culture Sex Relationships

[If you have a question of your own, or would like me to give a Second Opinion of someone else’s advice, get in touch via the link tree here https://linktr.ee/culturesexrel ] “My question is about (changing) feelings of disgust in sexual contexts. My sense of disgust can change rapidly depending on context. For example, most of the time I really don't like kissing, even the idea is repelling to me.” It’s okay. We shouldn’t have to find any kind of sexuality to be normal, or okay, or expected. Doesn’t matter what kind of relationship we’re in. Some things we are told are ‘normal’ part of sexuality are deeply weird when we think about it! Polymorphous perversity. (Here’s that episode https://soundcloud.com/podcast-co-coopercherry/three-essays-on-the-theory-of-sexuality ) Navigating discrepancy is the normal (there are tips about this in our book A Practical Guide to Sex). https://megjohnandjustin.com/relationships/sex-discrepancies/ https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/enjoy-penis-vagina-sex-want/ https://megjohnandjustin.com/sex/enjoy-non-genital-sex/ Perhaps think about the different ways of doing them. Maybe you need more mutual sex where you are both doing something with each other at the same time, or you might need to go one at a time. There’s some really great stuff about this in Cyndi Darnell’s book https://cyndidarnell.com/book/ (we did a podcast earlier this year, check it out) (Though I still think we are actively having sex with each other even if one person is receiving pleasure and the other ‘giving’ it. If pleasure was only about this giving and receiving mode, the giver gives and the taker takes, then how come I enjoy touching other people’s bodies?) Disgust and consciousness. How things become conscious and how we might pay attention to other affects. The exceptions. Kissing is great. Enhances sexual pleasure. What’s the difference? What do you notice? Things change rapidly, this is really useful. Can things change in the other direction? I didn’t talk about Epicurus, Lucretius and The Swerve, but I probably should have because that would have been fun. Here’s a good podcast about it https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/who-was-lucretius-with-thomas-nail/id1512615438?i=1000575225008