Navigating the Challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist - Interview with Erin Schaden

Dad to Dads Podcast

Robert welcomes back Erin Schaden, Divorce Coach & Family Law Attorney. In this episode, Robert and Erin discuss divorcing a narcissist. They talk about the prevalence of narcissism in divorce cases and the importance of working with an attorney and divorce coach who have experience dealing with high-conflict divorces. Erin emphasizes the need for strategic planning and preparation when divorcing a narcissist, including understanding the different personality disorders involved and how to approach them. They also discuss the challenges of custody battles with a narcissist and the importance of documentation and having a strong support system. When dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse in a custody battle, it's important to understand projection and alienation. The narcissist often accuses the other parent of what they are guilty of themselves, and they may manipulate the child to align with them through psychological abuse. It can be difficult to prove alienation because the child may align with the alienating parent out of fear and a lack of alternatives. Children tend to align with the parent they feel safest with, so judges should consider who the child feels safest with when making custody decisions. It's crucial to document everything, even seemingly minor incidents, as they may be useful in court. Communication apps like Our Family Wizard can be helpful in managing communication and reducing conflict. It's important to trust your instincts, be intentional with your words and actions, and avoid badmouthing the other parent to your children. Addressing your own childhood wounds and seeking help from professionals can also be beneficial.
Takeaways

• Divorcing a narcissist can be extremely challenging and requires strategic planning and preparation.
• Working with an attorney and divorce coach who have experience dealing with high-conflict divorces is crucial.
• Understanding the different personality disorders involved and how to approach them is important.
• Documentation is key in custody battles with a narcissist.
• Having a strong support system and expanding your frustration tolerance are essential for navigating the divorce process with a narcissist. The narcissist often accuses the other parent of what they are guilty of themselves.
• Children may align with the alienating parent out of fear and a lack of alternatives.
• Judges should consider who the child feels safest with when making custody decisions.
• Document everything, even seemingly minor incidents, as they may be useful in court.
• Communication apps like Our Family Wizard can help manage communication and reduce conflict.
• Avoid badmouthing the other parent to your children.
• Address your own childhood wounds and seek help from professionals.