Come Out When the Joy and Freedom of Being Out Supersedes the Pain and Fear of Living in the Closet (with Suzette Mullen)

Lesbi-Honest: Candid Convos With Later-in-Life Lesbians

💡 Host bio

Sarah St John is a woman who faced a major crossroads in her life after being married for 18 years and getting divorced. Despite not having children, she had to navigate the difficult transition from a comfortable and seemingly problem-free marriage to being on her own. Throughout her marriage, she had enjoyed the financial stability and companionship that came with being married, but now she is forging a new path for herself. Her experience has given her a unique perspective on the challenges of starting over and she hopes to inspire others who may be facing similar situations.

ℹ️ Introduction

Welcome to the latest episode of the Lesbi-Honest Podcast! In this episode, our host, Sarah St John, sits down with special guest Suzette Mullen, a remarkable book coach and author who is dedicated to amplifying LGBTQ+ voices. Suzette shares her inspiring journey of coming out in her mid-fifties and her subsequent work as a book coach for memoir and nonfiction writers, particularly within the LGBTQ+ community. With warmth and wisdom, she delves into her experiences, the choices she faced, and the ongoing process of living authentically. Join us as we explore Suzette's powerful story, the complexities of coming out, the value of authenticity, and the importance of finding joy and freedom in living one's truth. Stay tuned as we uncover valuable insights and hear more about Suzette's memoir and coaching services.

📚 Timestamped overview

00:00 Transitioning to writing, becoming a book coach.

03:48 Editing nonfiction while cultivating a supportive environment.

06:43 Discovery of true self, challenging journey ahead.

10:38 Kept my sexuality secret until unbearable pain.

15:32 Acknowledging one's sexual orientation against resistance.

17:03 Christian friend questioned coming out as gay.

20:35 Being queer has risks but brings joy.

26:26 Struggling with coming out in a marriage.

27:46 Husband's support, fear, and advice for women.

❇️ Key topics and bullets

Primary Topic: Suzette's Journey and Work

- Suzette's professional background and transition to writing and coaching

- Lawyer, stay-at-home mom, social justice advocate

- Late start in writing and editing

- Suzette's memoir and book coaching focus

- Memoir about coming out in her mid-fifties

- Focus on memoir and nonfiction writers, particularly LGBTQ+ community

- Creation of a safe space for vulnerable writers

- Suzette's coming out journey

- Realization of love for a female friend

- Difficult decision about sexual identity and established life

- Balancing staying in a safe, comfortable life vs. risking it all for an envisioned life

Primary Topic: The Process of Coming Out

- The ongoing nature of coming out

- Decision-making process

- Dropping breadcrumbs of truth

- Balancing unbearable pain of lying with fairness to others

- Discomfort with labels and language

- Embracing the pride flag

- Negative experiences and reactions

- Experiences and reactions to coming out

- Different reactions from individuals in Suzette's life

- Privilege as a heterosexual person

- The cost of authenticity and potential joy and freedom

Primary Topic: Living Authentically

- Joy and freedom on the other side of coming out

- Finding a way to live fully and authentically

- Capturing the joy and glow desired for oneself

- Fear, peace, and freedom accompanying being true to oneself

- Facing crossroads and big decisions

- Holding both joy and grief in an authentic life

- Work on the second memoir, "After the Leap"

- Challenges of realizing one's identity within a marriage

- Grappling with the decision of what to do next

- Need for personal introspection and community support

Primary Topic: Sarah's Personal Experience

- Sarah St. John's personal experience and decision-making process

- Being married for 18 years and getting divorced

- Weighing the pros and cons of leaving the marriage

- Ensuring the decision was right for both parties

- Relating to the fear of coming out and finding peace and freedom in being true to oneself

7 key themes discussed

1. Coming Out: Suzette's journey to authenticity.

2. Decision-making: Weighing the pros and cons.

3. LGBTQ+ Representation: Amplifying marginalized voices.

4. Finding Authenticity: Embracing true identity.

5. Navigating Relationships: Balancing joy and grief.

6. Personal Introspection: Reflecting on life's crossroads.

7. Community Support: Providing a safe, judgment-free space.

10 lessons covered

1. Embracing Authenticity

- Embracing your true self brings joy and freedom.

2. Navigating Life Crossroads

- Fear and courage in making big life decisions.

3. Honoring Personal Journeys

- Telling personal stories as a form of self-expression.

4. LGBTQ+ Coming Out Experiences

- Reflecting on the challenges of coming out.

5. Balancing Joy and Grief

- Holding both joy and grief in an authentic life.

6. The Cost of Authenticity

- Potential loss and newfound freedom of authenticity.

7. Supporting LGBTQ+ Community

- Fostering safety and acceptance in the community.

8. Reassessing Relationships

- The impact of coming out on relationships.

9. Creating Safe Writing Spaces

- Establishing a judgment-free writing environment.

10. Empowering LGBTQ+ Voices

- Amplifying LGBTQ+ voices through writing and coaching.

❓ Questions

1. What prompted Suzette to start writing and editing at a later stage in life, and how did this journey lead her to become a book coach and author?

2. In what ways does Suzette create a safe and judgment-free space for memoir and nonfiction writers, particularly those in the LGBTQ plus community, through her mentorship program?

3. Can you share your thoughts on the process of coming out as discussed in the episode, including the decision-making process and the ongoing nature of coming out?

4. How did Suzette navigate the tangled emotions of coming out while examining her marriage and making difficult decisions about her sexual identity?

5. Suzette expresses discomfort with labels and language during her coming out process. How did she eventually come to embrace the pride flag and proudly identify as queer?

6. In the episode, Suzette discusses the difficulties of coming out, including reactions and potential negative experiences. What insights can be gained from her experience?

7. What does Suzette highlight as the potential costs and rewards of living authentically, and how does she navigate joy and grief while embracing an authentic life?

8. Sarah St. John shares her personal experience of weighing the pros and cons of leaving her marriage and ultimately deciding it was the right decision for both parties. How did you relate to her experience?

9. Suzette addresses the challenges faced by individuals realizing their non-straight sexual orientation while being married to a man. What thoughtful introspection and support does she emphasize during this difficult process?

10. If you were interested in sharing your story or seeking support from Suzette as a book coach, what resources and platforms could you access based on the information shared in the episode?

Resources

https://www.yourstoryfinder.com/

The Only Way Through is Out