Know the Difference Between Influence and Control

Mission Control Podcast

In this episode, Mike shares the insights he's had in his life about the difference between influence and control. Understanding this comparison can help you avoid disappointment and change how you approach meetings.

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Michael Stearns | Ascend Digital Agency (00:00.522) Okay, so we've got influence, we've got control. Two completely different things, and understanding the difference between the two has made a massive impact in my life, and hopefully it'll help you make an impact in yours as well. Welcome back, I'm Mike Stearns with the Send Digital Agency, Mission Control Podcast. This episode's probably brought to you by Roofer. If you need instant roof quotes, roof measurements, clean and pristine proposals, or a CRM, get up the team at Roofer. It'll be linked down in the description. Tell them I sent ya, you'll be happy that you did. So.

Influence versus control. Like what is the difference between the two? The way that I perceive this is, if I go into an expectation, with an expectation that I can go into a situation and influence an outcome, what that means to me is that I ultimately am not in charge or responsible for that outcome itself. I can have an impact potentially.

on the outcome, but it's not guaranteed, right? It's not causal. Whereas in a situation where I have control, if A, then B, it's very clear cut, right? My action, my words will 1000% guarantee this result. And when I was younger and even to this day, it's something that I work on all the time. I found when I was younger that I would typically go into situations where I didn't necessarily have control. I would only be able to influence.

potentially the outcome, and I'd go in the mindset where I can control this. If I do these three different things, this should happen, right? And it was misguided, right? And what that would do is it would create a ton of negative emotions, because I'm a competitive person, I like to win. So if I set an expectation for myself that, hey, Mike, if you go into the situation and you do A, B, C, and D, the outcome's gonna be exactly what you want it to be, it's comforting.

In the moment, it feels good to have control. But again, when that doesn't happen, you're sad, you're anxious, you feel like you haven't won, like you've lost, you feel defeated. And the biggest thing is that these isolated instances, they can compound if you do them consistently, right? And after years of doing this, I had to be very intentional about, you know, kind of taking a look back and like, why do I feel this way? Why am I so upset?

Michael Stearns | Ascend Digital Agency (02:23.97) that I didn't get the result that I wanted. And in a lot of the instances, it was simply because I went into a situation under the assumption that I could control an outcome when I couldn't control it at all. Again, if we have control, we feel comforted, right? We feel very comforted in the fact that I can dictate an outcome. But a lot of the times we don't have control.

There's too many variables in an equation outside of ourselves and our actions and our words that are ultimately going to dictate what the outcome is, whether it's desirable or not. So again, for me, delineating between those two and understanding, hey, you might be able to do A, B, C, and D, Mike. And those actions, those words, those activities may increase the likelihood that you get the desired outcome. But it doesn't guarantee it. What that did for me.

we didn't get the outcome that I wanted is essentially, I didn't feel as bad, I didn't feel as defeated, didn't create that anxiety to the degree that it would if I was operating under the pretense that I was going to get the desired outcome. So again, it's something that I work on every single day and I'll continue to do so in perpetuity because those events again can compound and be defeating quite honestly. So hopefully this has helped you.

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