Ep 5: Why Women Are Initiating 70% of Divorces - Emotional Disengagement, the Gottman Institute and Relationship Coaching with Giulia Preziuso, LMHC

The Hairy Chin Podcast

In our fifth episode of The Hairy Chin Podcast, licensed mental health counselor and trauma therapist, Giulia Preziuso, joins me to talk about how current statistics state 70% of divorces are initiated by women. Giulia breaks down the underlying reasons behind this percentage, such as emotional disengagement and gender conditioning. She shares valuable insights from her work as a Gottman Certified Couples Counselor, explaining how early emotional trauma and societal conditioning impact emotional intelligence in relationships. We dive into the power of empathy, the importance of conflict resolution, and how couples can build a healthier relationship by learning key skills. Finally, Giulia offers tips on managing emotional disconnection, ways to communicate effectively with your partner and assessing your relationship with a Gottman Assessment.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• [02:10] Emotional disengagement and a lack of emotional intelligence as primary reasons women initiate 70% of divorces.
• [04:49] Managing conflict by using soft versus harsh startups reduce emotional flooding.
• [06:17] How the Gottman Institute's relationship assessment predicts divorce with 91% accuracy, guiding couples toward therapy or uncoupling.
• [10:09] Resentment builds over time when couples don’t practice empathy and accountability.
• [11:09] Giulia discusses the Seven Year Itch and how couples can lose communication skills over time, contributing to emotional disconnection.
• [12:27] Male gender conditioning and how it suppresses empathy, creating barriers to emotional intelligence.
• [13:13] The concept of negative sentiment override and how it can destabilize relationships.
• [13:56] The power of small acts, like 30-second kisses, to help couples reconnect and create psychological safety.
• [18:16] Clarifying the terms gaslighting and narcissism and their role in relationships.
• [24:10] Understanding the Gottman metaphor of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: stonewalling, criticism, defensiveness, and contempt.
• [28:58] The importance of gratitude and creating a culture of appreciation in relationships.
• [32:20] Couples in emotionally intelligent, happy relationships live longer and experience better physical and mental health.
• [37:00] The phrase “happy wife, happy life”—is it true? Giulia discusses gender conditioning, intimacy, and happiness in relationships.
• [37:55] Relationships are built on transactions and negotiations, not unconditional love.
• [42:50] Perpetual problems: 70% of issues in relationships are recurring. Learning to manage, rather than solve them, is key to long-term success.

PLUCK THIS! SEGMENT

• Giulia Preziuso offers Self-Care Sundays every Sunday at 12pm EST on IG at @mydefiningmoment
• Giulia Preziuso, a Gottman Certified Couples Counselor, administers Gottman Assessments for couples. Schedule yours at https://definingmomentsllc.com/couples-therapy

TOP TAKEAWAYS:

• 70% of divorces are initiated by women, often due to emotional disengagement and lack of empathy from their partners.
• Effective communication in relationships requires empathy, accountability, and remorse.
• Gender conditioning from childhood shapes emotional intelligence in adulthood, with men often struggling to express empathy.
• 70% of problems in relationships are perpetual - managing, rather than solving, these problems is key to long-term success.
• Effective communication involves using 'I' statements instead of 'you' statements and avoiding blame and judgment.
• Happy, emotionally intelligent couples live longer and experience better mental and physical health.
• Seeking therapy can be a proactive measure to improve and strengthen a relationship.

RESOURCES:

• Giulia Preziuso (@mydefiningmoment) on Instagram
• Defining Moments LLC, Giulia Preziuso, LMHC
• "It's Your Mother's Fault, Now What?" by Giulia Preziuso
• The Gottman Institute
• Rutgers University Study
• Graph: Time Spent With Relationships By Age (USA)
• ASA Research: Women More Likely Than Men to Initiate Divorces

ABOUT THE HOST: Spencer Moore is a creative professional, creative wellness advocate, and host of The Hairy Chin Podcast. Originally from Raleigh, NC, Spencer has resided in Barcelona, Spain since 2016. Her warmth, humor and authenticity bring light to tough conversations about female wellness. Drawing from personal battles with chronic illness and early-stage breast cancer, she is committed to breaking taboos and empowering women in their health journeys. Spencer shares insights across various platforms, including her Podcast, YouTube channel, Instagram, Blog and website, all aimed at inspiring independent thinking and creative wellness.

Website: www.spencerita.com

Instagram: www.instagram.com/spencerita_

Blog: www.spencerita.com/blog