Episode - 069 - Please Help Me

Stop Making Yourself Miserable

In the last episode, when Annie Franklin went back to the field hospital to try to get another letter from a doctor to allow her to take her brother, Daniel, home to Connecticut for care, she was unexpectedly confronted with an appalling situation – the formerly crowded hospital was now basically deserted and there were no doctors present. Along with just a few hundred other critically wounded soldiers, her brother had been basically left there to die.

She met with Daniel and put on a brave face to try to reassure him, but now it was completely obvious to her that they were in truly dire straits. And so, this episode begins…

* * *

She walked outside the tent, took a breath of the chilly air and looked over the field. The place was pretty much deserted except for a small group of soldiers huddled around a makeshift table about fifty yards away. They were carefully studying some maps and in a rather animated discussion as a small fire was giving off some much-needed heat. A man dressed in civilian buckskin riding clothes was clearly in charge.

As Annie looked around, it seemed to be the only place available to go ask for help and stood watching them, waiting for the right time to approach. After a few more moments there was a pause in the discussion and she took a step toward them, and as soon as she did, the man dressed in buckskin picked up his head and stared directly at her. They looked into each other’s eyes for a moment, but he seemed so intently focused on his work that that she quickly lost her nerve and started walking in a different direction, towards another group of soldiers who were off in the distance.

But once she got close enough to see what they were doing, the nature of their horrible task became clear - they were loading dead bodies onto a wagon. There was a pile of about a hundred of them, next to a large, blood-soaked wooden box that was filled to the rim with amputated limbs.

Sickened, she walked back towards the first group of soldiers. The wind shifted a little and the smell of death and decay which pervaded the camp, suddenly enveloped her. She had noticed it before, but now it engulfed her like a damp, moldy shroud, turning the very act of breathing into a nauseating chore. She felt like she was going to vomit, but she fought it back. This was no time to get sick.

She stood still and went over the situation in her mind. Daniel was definitely better than he had been, but he was still in dire straits. There were no doctors present. He had clearly been left there to die, and without proper care, she didn’t see how he could make it.

What could she do? To her disgust, the only hope she had was to go back to the War Department, makeup with Captain Lee and just do whatever he wanted. How bad could that really be? Whatever it was, she could handle it, she told herself. But how could she really trust Lee? Would he really help her? Maybe not, but it didn’t seem like she had any choice. What else could she do?

It was all she had left. She pictured the captain with his blood-shot eyes. The smell of his foul breath had been almost as bad as the stench of death that pervaded the hospital field. In her mind she could still see the anger in his face, as he spat out his curse - “It’s your own stupid, stubborn goddamn fault. His blood is on your hands now.” Then she could see his sneering smile as he said, “Oh, by the way, honey, you’ll be back! And you know what? I’ll be here waiting for you.”

Suddenly her legs got wobbly and she knew she needed to sit down or she would fall down. A few yards away, a small bench lay on its side, surrounded by discarded boxes and some rotting garbage. She walked over, straightened up the bench and sat down.

Then, in that instant she lost control of her emotions and suddenly burst into tears. She quickly covered her face, bent over, buried her head in her hands, and sobbed silently into her lap. She had come to the end of her rope and the situation was completely hopeless. She couldn’t even think anymore.

“Help,” she silently called out in despair, into the depths of her inner darkness. She didn’t even know what she was saying, or who she was talking to. It was beyond all that. It was just pure desperation. “Help me. Please, please, please help me,” she sobbed silently into her lap.

“Can I help you?” she heard a voice ask. For a moment she wasn’t sure if she had lost her mind.

“Whaaat?” she muttered incredulously, almost to herself. She didn’t want to open her eyes. Even if this was just some kind of mental mirage, she didn’t want it to end just yet. Illusion or not, at least it was something comforting.

“Miss?” the voice spoke again. “Is there something I can do for you? Do you need something? Can I help you in some way?” The voice was coming from directly in front of her and she knew it was real. She opened her eyes to the vision of a pair of light brown buckskin pants. She looked up and saw the face of the man who had been standing at the center of the soldiers’ table a few yards away. Although he had a rugged appearance, there was something trustworthy about his tone of voice, and he seemed sincere.

“Yes,” she said, looking at him through her tears. “Yes, thank you, I do need help.” She paused, trying to collect herself and dry her eyes. “I don’t know if you can help me, but God knows, I need help.”

He held out his hand. She took it and he helped her stand up. She wobbled a little and he put his hands on her shoulders, steadying her and helping her gain her ground. “So, what’s the trouble?” he asked, kindly focusing his steady gaze on her.

She went to talk, but no words came out. She was still too shaken to answer him, and just stood there, mute. His face softened and he gave her an encouraging smile. “Come on now. Tell me. You can tell me,” he said in a softly encouraging tone. “What is it?” She felt some life come back into her body, and her voice suddenly made its way back into her throat.

“Sir, I have got to get my brother out of here. I have come here for him, to take him back home to heal. He got seriously wounded in the battle, caught a bullet in the stomach and now they’ve left him here to die,” she blurted.

“Oh, I see,” he said and looked at her for a few seconds. “So, you’re his next of kin and you’ve come to get him, you’ve come to take him home. And he’s in there, I take it,” he said, motioning toward the hospital tent.

“Yes. Yes, he is, and he looks better today than when I last saw him. I think he’s getting better. I think he can make it if I can get him out of here. But if he has to stay here, I don’t think...”

“Well, did you go to the War Department?” he interrupted. “I take it you know that they are directed to give furloughs for exactly this reason?” he asked.

“Oh yes. Oh my God, yes. I went to the War Department. I went there twice. What a nightmare,” she said. “A doctor here gave me a letter with a recommendation for a furlough. I took it to a captain in his office in the War Annex. He said it was fine. He said there was no problem. He told me he would have it issued the next day. And then, when I came back to get it, he told me that he didn’t have it. A problem had come up with it.” A wave of emotion tore through here and she stopped for a moment, and let it pass.

“He wanted me to go with him to - I mean he wanted to take me to dinner and he said that if I , uh...” The man held up his hand, stopping her.

“You don’t have to go any further, Miss,” he said. “I’m sorry to tell you that I’ve heard the story a million times.”

“He said that if I wouldn’t do what he wanted, he’d make sure I would never be able to get the furlough and my brother would die here,” Annie blurted out, as a wave of hopelessness and despair flooded back through her.

“I presume you didn’t go along with him?” he asked.

“Of course not,” she replied indignantly.

“Well good for you. You’re smart,” he said, and looked her in the eye. “Because let me tell you the sad truth – he would have never given that furlough to you anyway, this Captain Whoever-He-Is. He would have just strung you along until he got some other poor gal who came to him for help.

“Those boys have quite an operation going on for themselves down there,” he continued. “That’s how they do it. They hang out the hope of a furlough like bait on a hook. As soon as they have someone who’ll bite, they keep dangling hope in front of them forever. They really couldn’t care less about the poor injured soldier. Could die for all they care.” He stopped and looked over the hill for a moment. “But they do love that power, though,” he mused. “That’s the thing. They probably love the power even more than the uh -”

He stopped for a moment and looked her as if he had an idea.

“Would you mind telling me your name?” he asked.

“Annie Franklin,” she said. “My family is from Farmington, Connecticut.

“Oh. Okay. And where are you staying while you’re here?” he continued.

“I’m with some friends in Georgetown,” she said.

“Georgetown,” he said thoughtfully. “Hmm, Georgetown. So, you’re staying in Georgetown.”

“Yes, with some friends,” she said.

“And I assume that’s where you want to take your brother? To your friend’s house in Georgetown?”

“Exactly,” she answered.

“Ok. Great. Come with me. I’ve got an idea,” he said suddenly, taking her by the arm. He started walking her over to the table where the soldiers sat with the maps, but she stopped in her tracks.

“Sir, what are you doing?” she demanded, pulling her arm away. The memory of the army captain who had just tried to take advantage of her was fresh in her mind, and she was still wary.

“You can relax now, Miss,” the man said with a calm smile. “Just take it easy. Believe it or not, fate has smiled upon you today. You came here to take care of your brother. He’s a soldier and you’re obviously a Union girl. Now it just so happens that I can help you and you can help the boys in blue. So just trust me and come along. Believe me, you’re going to be much happier than you know.”

And that’s the end of this episode, as it seems that some sunlight might be starting to break through the clouds. As always, keep your eyes, mind and heart opened, and let’s get together in the next one.