Skeleton Keys

The Lifeatarian

Lifeatarian - The Skeleton Keys In this episode, Monique discusses the “centuries old” topic of family secrets—those skeletons in the closet that some people would go to any lengths to keep from being exposed. While there are different types of family secrets, Monique touches on three specific categories: individual secrets, internal secrets, and shared secrets. Individual secrets are those that a single person keeps from the rest of their family. Internal secrets are those that only two or more members of the family are privy to Shared secrets are known by the entire family, and are kept hidden from outsiders. Monique now gives nine examples of these three types of dark family secrets, from a gay individual hiding their identity from relatives, to a married man having multiple children with two different woman, to a brother having sex with a sister half his age, to Monique’s personal discovery at the age of nine that she has a long-lost half brother, along with her late realization that her older brother has bipolar disorder. With these nine examples of family secrets on the table, Monique now asks, “What motivates families to keep secrets?” Naturally, negative feelings such as shame, fear, or guilt fuel secrecy. Motives such as protection from punishment and avoidance of judgement are also common. Let’s not forget that certain social stigmas may also force families to keep certain secrets. These include abortion, adoption, alcoholism or drug addiction, divorce, mental illness, rape, sexually-transmitted diseases, job loss, extramarital affairs, homosexuality, fetishes, eating disorders, incest, criminal behavior, and suicide. “What motivates families to break secrets?” In short, guilt. Its crushing weight may eventually break the secret keeper/s. Along with this, a family member may wish to release a relative from the burden of having to keep dark secrets hidden from the rest of the world for the rest of their life. When unveiling a secret, the family member must ask themselves: “Am I revealing this secret out of love or spite?” In other words, what is the motive for breaking the secret? Is it to help the relative, hurt them, or even help oneself at the expense of that relative? Consider also the consequences of revealing certain secrets—is there support in place for those who will need it immediately after the secret is out? Be prepared to experience an overwhelming feeling of powerlessness, along with possibly even losing the relationship, or becoming alienated, distrusted, or physically harmed. Family secrets are never an easy issue to come clean with, and they always affect more people than just yourself, even if it falls under the category of “individual secrets”. Take special care to plan out for the short- and long-term repercussions that will follow the revelation, and make sure that, no matter what happens, the family bond is preserved as much as it possibly can be. --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/monique-monge/message