#282 In Sickness and in Health: How Much is Too Much?

The Niall Boylan Podcast (They Told Me To Shut Up)

In this episode, Niall discusses a deeply emotional and complex question: Should you stand by a partner during a mental health crisis, or is there a point where it's okay to walk away? The conversation stems from an email sent by a listener named Katie, whose husband, Liam, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago. Katie describes how his mental health struggles have drastically changed their relationship. While she loves him deeply, the emotional toll of supporting him through his highs and lows is starting to overwhelm her. She wonders if it’s selfish to consider walking away or if it’s possible to find a balance between supporting him and maintaining her own well-being.
Some callers believe that marriage vows include standing by your partner through sickness and health, and mental illness should be no exception. They argue that true love means finding ways to support your partner, even during the most difficult times. With the right boundaries, self-care, and professional help, they believe Katie can manage both her husband’s needs and her own mental health, and that leaving would be abandoning him during his most vulnerable time.
Other callers, however, feel that while supporting a partner with mental illness is important, there’s a limit to how much one person can take. They argue that Katie's own mental health matters just as much, and if she’s feeling overwhelmed or unsafe, it’s okay to step away. Sometimes, the best thing for both partners is to create space, and leaving doesn’t mean she doesn't care—it simply means prioritizing her own well-being. They emphasize that it’s okay to acknowledge when a relationship is no longer healthy, even if mental illness is involved.
Niall wraps up the episode by acknowledging the emotional weight of this topic, emphasizing that there are no easy answers. While supporting a partner through mental health challenges is important, it’s also crucial for individuals to take care of their own well-being. He encourages listeners to find a balance between empathy for their partner’s struggles and maintaining their own mental health, suggesting that there’s no shame in seeking outside help or taking time for oneself.