Ep. 210: Challenging Behaviors or Communication? How Parents Can Respond with Dr. Andrew Kahn

Diverse Thinking Different Learning

Welcome back! In this episode, we’re diving into the world of managing challenging behaviors—a topic every parent can relate to. We often think of behavior as just an action, but today’s guest, Dr. Andrew Kahn, highlights that behavior is a form of communication. By reframing how we understand what our children are trying to express through their actions, we can open up new possibilities for positive outcomes for both parents and children. This shift in perspective can be a powerful tool for responding to even the most challenging behaviors in ways that support growth and connection.

Dr. Kahn also emphasizes the role of self-regulation, a skill that is valuable for both parents and children. Dr. Kahn describes how parents can model self-regulation by managing their own emotions first, taking a moment to pause before addressing a challenging behavior.

Listen on for practical advice on adjusting expectations and being realistic about the consequences we set for our children. This episode is full of insights to empower you as a parent in handling challenging behaviors with empathy, patience, and in a way that allows your child the room to fall and learn.

Show Notes:

[1:56] - Understanding a child’s behavior can lead to more positive outcomes for parents and children. Behavior is communication.

[3:02] - As adults, it is hard for us to remember the frustration and other emotions associated with not being understood as children.

[4:44] - When people are upset, especially children, they revert to the behavior of a younger child, which creates frustration for parents.

[7:01] - Self-regulation can be a primary barrier to being able to think and problem solve.

[8:54] - Taking a moment to regulate your emotions as a parent is a form of modeling, as long as you return to the moment and explain.

[10:44] - There’s no instruction manual, and parenting a child with learning differences certainly does not have a rule book.

[13:26] - It is incredibly important to parents to understand their child’s differences.

[16:07] - As parents, we like to think we have a bag of tricks, but some of these tricks don’t work every time.

[18:00] - Social media is great in creating a sense of community. But the information there is not always vetted and can have a lot of misinformation.

[20:58] - Resources at Understood.org are completely free and accessible.

[23:51] - One strategy is to reflect on how realistic our expectations are regarding a child’s behavior.

[25:30] - Consequences for behaviors need to also be realistic based on the situation, the child, the behavior, and whether natural consequences take place.

[26:37] - If you can’t handle your child being in distress, as a parent, you will be in more distress.

[28:06] - If a parent does not give their child moments of failure, they will feel invincible as they grow up.

[30:16] - It is important for parents to care for themselves. This is also an important modeling opportunity for children.

About Our Guest:

Dr. Andrew Kahn is Understood’s Associate Director of Behavior Change and Expertise, and is a licensed psychologist. He focuses on ADHD, learning differences, anxiety, autism spectrum disorder, behavior, executive function, and emotional regulation. For nearly 20 years, Dr. Kahn worked within the public school system providing training, evaluations, direct consultation, and therapeutic support to students, their families, and staff.

Connect with Dr. Kahn:

• Understood Blog

• Dr. Andrew Kahn on LinkedIn

Links and Related Resources:

• Understood.org

• Parenting Behavior with Dr. Andy Kahn: Your Guide to Getting Through the Hard Stuff

Connect with Us:

• Get on our Email List

• Book a Consultation

• Get Support and Connect with a ChildNEXUS Provider

• Register for Our Self-Paced Mini Courses on ADHD, Dyslexia and Youth Anxiety

The Diverse Thinking Different Learning podcast is intended for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical or legal advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Additionally, the views and opinions expressed by the host and guests are not considered treatment and do not necessarily reflect those of ChildNEXUS, Inc or the host, Dr. Karen Wilson.