Conversations About Sex (Part One): Sharing Sexual Histories with Keeley Rankin, MA

Practically Married with Paula Holt

Sex and relationship coach Keeley Rankin joins me for the first of two conversations about sex. In Part One, we discuss how you can deepen your relationship by sharing your sexual history. Before diving into the topic, we discuss what sex is and why it's important. (If you think you know what sex is, listen to Keeley explain an activity she has couples do to expand their definition.)
Keeley and I discuss how your sexual history is more than your "number" or STI's. She defines it as how you first learned about sex, the messages about sexuality and gender you internalized, and what you observed in your parents/guardians in terms of affection and relaxation. Keeley explains how some people observed too much in their childhood and describes how seeing and/or hearing your parents engage in sex may have been traumatic.
The next part of histories we discuss is past sexual partners, and with that the need to know your partner's comfort level with hearing about past experiences before you share them. Depending on their comfort, you may or may not (carefully) proceed with sharing positive past experiences (no names necessary), but it's especially important for your partner to know about any negative experiences to better understand what to avoid, where to go slow, etc.
Lastly, we discuss sexual communication with your partner and how and when to give sexual feedback after the NRE (new relationship energy) wanes. Keeley emphasizes the need to normalize making corrections/giving feedback and generously uses her own marriage as an example. She suggests using the "sandwich technique" of surrounding your request for a change with two positive comments.
Keeley Rankin has a passion for helping people find and expand pleasure. She has a master’s in Counseling Psychology with a focus on marriage and family therapy, and has been a sex and relationship coach for over a decade. Keeley is a Certified Queer Conscious Educator as well as a Certified Sexological Bodyworker, and she specializes in helping men overcome sexual struggles.
For more information on Keeley's work visit:

• KeeleyRankin.com
• Instagram: keeleyrankinsexcoach
• Facebook: keeleyrankinma

Additional resources:

• Sandwich technique
• 10 Questions Checklist (download this FREE list of questions covering each of the Practically Married subjects)

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Edited by Veronica Gruba
Music by Sage Holt-Hall