Is This Love or Is This Trauma?

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It’s natural for us to go through ups and downs in any type of relationship, but a healthy connection is about trust and emotional safety. It’s also the ability to grow into a better person and the independence to still be your own person within that relationship. However, we can find ourselves in relationships that exhibit none of these things yet we still can not imagine a life without this particular person.

What is a trauma bond? It is the emotional attachment that develops between two people, one of whom is in a position of power. It is often a connection that forms between a person and their abuser as a result of constant abuse and manipulation. These relationships are often intense and come from dramatic cycles of unsafety and instability.

It’s important to clearly name abuse in a trauma bond. These people in power often emotionally, mentally, verbally, and physically abuse you and this should not be taken lightly or to be brushed under the rug. What they’re doing is not okay and you should never shame yourself for the actions that they put onto you.

The manipulator often utilizes a combo of fear and love to keep their partner trapped in an insecure attachment style. The positive feelings tend to confuse the victim and give them slight indicators of hope of a secure love when there is no sign that there will be any change. In exchange, the victim ends up losing a sense of self and can completely change or adapt their personalities to soothe their abuser; at the expense of themselves.

How do you get out of a toxic or trauma bonded relationship? Unfortunately, just leaving can be a very layered process. If you feel like you’re in an emotionally destructive relationship, it’s important to seek help, counseling or even coaching, to help you through these complex emotions and to detach from your abuser completely.

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