Grudges and Apologies in Friendships: with My Mom

Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

Episode #72: Sometimes we hurt a friend unintentionally, but an apology is still in order. Is there a friend out there who might be waiting for you to say, "I'm sorry?" Are you ready to forgive the friend who comes to you with an apology? This is the episode where we encourage you to think about forgiveness---asking for it and granting it.

Who is we? I finally have MY MOM back on the show! We encouraged each other to think about the friends we might have hurt without realizing we have done so. We also talked about grudges and shared some personal stories of our own pettiness, others' pettiness, and we laughed a bit too.

Naturally the timing of this episode is inspired by the Jewish holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but the discussion is valuable and relatable no matter your background--Jewish OR NOT.

Join us as we navigate this special time of year dedicated to self-reflection and saying we're sorry, inspiring you to reconsider your relationships and how you handle grudges and forgiveness.

Resources:

• The 20 questions Bryan uses for self-reflection around Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
• The article I wrote for Kveller in 2014, "Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come"
• The article I wrote for The Jewish Daily Forward in 2013, "The Benefit of the Doubt for the New Year"
• If you want the challah recipe I use all the time and wrote about in this essay at On Being, email me at [e-mail]. I will send you the pdf version.

Other episodes featuring my mom:

• The Friend Who Will Only Text
• When Friends Ask Questions You Don't Want to Answer
• Widowhood and Friendship

Two quotes about grudges by Maggie Smith in her book, Keep Moving:

“Maybe we say ‘holding a grudge’ because that kind of resentment is a heavy thing you have to wrap your arms around to carry. Holding it weighs you down, not the other person. Set it down anytime. Right now, for instance. Keep moving.”

Let's connect over all things friendship!

• My Substack newsletter about friendship & more
• Dear Nina website with show notes and a guide to pitching yourself as a guest
• Instagram , TikTok, Twitter, Youtube, Threads
• JOIN the Dear Nina Facebook group
• Ask an anonymous question

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Rozdziały

1. Grudges and Apologies in Friendships: with My Mom (00:00:00)

2. Reflecting on Friendship and Forgiveness (00:00:06)

3. Waiting for Apologies (00:11:36)

4. Family Relationships and Celebrations (00:20:15)