Harmonious Conflict Resolution in Diverse Workplaces, with Lorraine Segal

Say YES to Your Soul

In this conversation, Lorraine Segal discusses the concept of creative conflict and how it can be harnessed for growth and innovation. She emphasizes the importance of shifting perspectives and approaching conflicts with a positive mindset. Lorraine shares ways to handle effective conflict resolution, including developing communication skills, empathy, self-awareness, and problem-solving abilities.

This interview also touches on Lorraine's personal experiences with workplace bullying and how reimagining what was possible led her to follow her soul purpose.

Check it out!

• Effective communication skills, empathy, self-awareness, and problem-solving abilities are essential for navigating conflicts constructively
• What to do if you are a highly sensitive person in a very direct, sometimes harsh, workplace
• Sorting through misunderstandings and creating safety in the workplace
• How to approach conflicts with a positive mindset to transform them into catalysts for positive change
• Embracing a diversity of ideas and perspectives can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth and innovation

About Lorraine Segal

Twenty years in toxic academia inspired Lorraine Segal to start her own business, Conflict Remedy, offering DEI informed teaching, coaching, and consulting to help leaders transform conflict at work. Her recently published memoir: Angels and Earthworms, An Unexpected Journey to Joy, Love, and Miracles, is about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood.

Website: https://conflictremedy.com/

Resource: The Rashomon Effect https://conflictremedy.com/the-rashomon-effect-and-conflict/

Lorraine’s Memoir: Angels & Earthworms: an unexpected journey to joy, love, and miracles

Lorraine’s Free Gift: https://conflictremedy.com/ for Lorraine’s Free Article “The High Cost of Conflict,” and receive monthly tips to help your company or nonprofit.

* About the Host *

Tessa Lynne Alburn believes that every woman has the ability to learn to express their true voice, be heard, and fulfill their dreams.

As a Feminine Energy Coach and Soul Connection Mentor for women, Tessa supports you in having the freedom you crave and strong connections with others, as you live powerfully with joy and a sense of adventure.

Tessa’s Free Gift: If you want to be freer, happier and more courageous in life, get your free Soulful Roadmap and Say YES to Your Soul! http://www.tessafreegift.com/

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May You Say YES to Your Soul.

Transcript

Tessa (00:07):

Hello everyone. I am so happy today to have someone who is like an amazing conflict remedy specialist. I mean, how awesome is that? And she does a lot of work in helping people in the workplace. I think you're gonna get a lot from this. And even if you're not a career person you may get some really fabulous nuggets here today for other relationships. Her name is Lorraine Siegel, and she has she spent 20 years in toxic academia, she says. And then, you know, that basically led her to start her own business called Conflict Remedy. And she is trained in diversity, equity, inclusion, informed teaching, which I'd love. And then the initials for that are like D E I or D E I B. And she can tell you more about that if she wants to. She is a coach and consultant and she helps leaders transform conflict at work.

(01:16):

Her recently published memoir, Angels and Earth Worms, how cool is that? It is an unexpected journey to joy, love, and miracles. And it's about her transformation from miserable self-doubt to self-acceptance, true love, spiritual awareness, and right livelihood. And I love that so much. Like I know, my audience, my ladies, they will love hearing from you, Lorraine, because they're driven by values, right? Like, so everything they're doing has to be in alignment with their soul, with their values, what they really care about. And I love that you're naming that, that right livelihood. So I'd love to hear from you now, if you could get us started just telling the audience a little bit more about the work that you do, including the transformation that you helped them achieve.

Lorraine (02:15):

Okay. I'm so happy to be here with you today, Tessa. Thank you for inviting me. Yeah. And you know, it is my right livelihood, so I'm very passionate about this work and very happy to share it with your audience. So as I said, I was a tenured professor in toxic academia and through a lot of very difficult experiences, was blessed to find my way to what was called the conflict resolution field, and started studying and creating my own practice. And realized that I didn't just want to do mediation, which is the most well-known conflict resolution tool, but coaching to catch people before they're so mad at each other and help them do the inner work. And also training to give people the skills to reimagine conflict, to navigate it in a different way that isn't just stressful and awful.

Tessa (03:17):

Oh my goodness. Well, wait, hang on a second. Like, I love that what you just said about re-imagining conflict resolution because they're so, it's so normal to get, like, when we just think of the word conflict, right?

(03:32):

Like people get tense and they seize up and then they're in their patterns and they're defensive or they're on the attack. And so tell me a little bit more about that. The re-imagining of it.

Lorraine (03:45):

Yes. Well, this is why when I heard the word conflict transformation, I jumped on it and started using it when I described what I do, because it is what I was doing, it isn't just about finding some cut and paste solution to a conflict or finding magic words to say to someone to make the conflict go away. It's about a much deeper process of understanding who you are, understanding who the other person is with compassion and making room for curiosity. And so there's a lot of work I do that well, you know, no one ever invents anything, but I didn't know people who were doing the kind of work I did around conflict. So, for example I talk a lot about mistakes that we all make mistakes. And so many of us grow up thinking that if we make mistakes, we are a mistake. And so we're really defensive, which increases conflict. So if we can accept that we're all human together and we're all making mistakes, it creates a lot more space to forgive others and to have better conversations about what's going on. So that's a piece of it for me.

Tessa (05:07):

And Oh, for sure that, I mean, that makes a lot of sense because without that pressure of perfectionism and without the pressure of having to look a certain way, then people can really show up more as who they are, right? It might be scary cuz they're feeling vulnerable but it creates much greater opportunity for those things You're talking about compassion and understanding.

Lorraine (05:37):

Yes. And probably one of the first things I say to people, and this again is a, well, it's about perfection, is that conflict is normal. You know, we tend to think, oh my God, what did I do wrong? Why are we in conflict? They're terrible, or I'm terrible and I, the first thing I like to do is normalize conflict. That it is an absolutely acceptable, normal, usual part of human behavior. It's not whether there's conflict, it's what you do with the conflict that determines what they are.

Tessa (06:10):

Yes. So conflict is normal.

Lorraine (06:13):

Mm-hmm. .

Tessa (06:14):

And, you know, in your studies around this, what's something that's healthy around conflict?

Lorraine (06:22):

Well, I like to talk about something I learned about two different kinds of conflict. There's what we think of as interpersonal conflict, which is, you know, people pointing fingers at each other or yelling at each other or walking away from each other. They're impossible. But there's actually another kind of conflict, which is called creative conflict. So you imagine people who have the same goal for their company, for their project, for their mission, but they have very different ideas about how to get there. And when you have a diverse team, when you have people with different ideas from different cultures, different experiences, et cetera, and they come together and, you know, fight it out kind of, but listen to each other, you can end up with a much more amazing and creative product or process than if everybody's in lockstep and absolutely agreeing with each other.

Tessa (07:20):

Oh my goodness, yes. And so really it's like bringing the diversity of all the different viewpoints, the creativity, the problem solving, all those things. And you have a much stronger impact, you know, for the company, for whatever they're providing for their mission. So it's an inclusive approach. You're calling it creative conflict. That's interesting. So, all right, tell me more .

Lorraine (07:55):

I tend to work with people in companies in three different ways. Sometimes I do one-on-one and dialogue coaching. Sometimes I do training programs. Sometimes I consult to take a look at their whole, you know, picture of what's happening. And the thing about the coaching that I love is nobody has a lock on the truth. We tell ourselves these stories about ourselves, about the situation, about the other people, and the stories often have deep emotional resonance. So the first thing I do is listen with great compassion and intent to people stories. And then ever so gently I start directing them, you know, to really validate how difficult it is and how awful it feels and how mad or hurt that they are, because that's real. It isn't the truth, but it's very real and important.

Tessa (08:59):

Absolutely. Those feelings are the need for acknowledgement. That's a basic human need. Super important.

Lorraine (09:08):

Once they feel like I'm an ally, which I always am, I ever so gently start opening it up a little, how might the other person be seeing it? What might their perspective be? What story might they tell about it? And I'll give them examples if they can't come up with them, because sometimes people get very stuck in their story. And often when they do that, you know, there are people who are malicious in the world. I would never deny that. But most people aren't actively trying to harm us. They're doodling along their own story and not realizing the impact that they're having on us. So a lot of the work I do is helping people understand that they're on these parallel paths with different stories. You know, you may think you're the hero or the victim of the story. I guarantee the other person has a different perspective.

Tessa (10:02):

Exactly. Yes.

Lorraine (10:04):

I recently wrote a blog post about this. It's based on some teaching that I do. It's called The Rashomon Effect.

Tessa (10:13):

Say it one more time for me.

Lorraine (10:15):

Rashomon. It's a Japanese samurai film that I saw in my twenties that made a deep impression on me, and I wanted to use a piece of it for a class I was teaching, and I went looking for graphics you know, like movie posters or something. And found out that a lot of other people were so impressed with the movie that there's this phenomena called the Rashomon Effect. And what that is in Rashomon, it was it came to the US in 1951. So it's old, but it was one of the first movies that told the same story from the perspective of three different characters.

Tessa (11:00):

So, oh, how cool is that? Yeah. So you really get into the minds of all of them and see what their experience is.

Lorraine (