Mindset Matters - Episode #158 - Who Am I If I’m Not That? Rediscovering Purpose Beyond Identity

The Everyday Millionaire

In this episode of Mindset Matters, hosts Patrick and Steffany delve into the compelling topic of identity beyond professional and personal roles. They explore the question, “Who am I if I’m not that?” and discuss how deeply people’s identities are tied to what they do rather than who they truly are. Patrick and Steffany reflect on how common it is to introduce ourselves by our professions and roles, which creates a reliance on these roles for self-worth and value. This reliance, they explain, often leads to a crisis when those roles are no longer part of our lives, such as in career transitions, retirement, or the shift to becoming an empty nester.

The conversation turns to how societal expectations shape our identities, often leaving people unprepared when major life changes remove the titles they’ve depended on. Citing statistics, Patrick and Steffany discuss how the lifespan post-retirement has drastically reduced in recent years. This trend indicates a profound need for purpose, especially for individuals accustomed to busy careers. Many retirees struggle to find meaning outside of work, even experiencing health issues due to this loss of purpose. Patrick notes the recurring trend of public figures like rock stars returning to the stage not just for financial reasons, but to fulfill an inner drive for purpose.

They highlight the importance of people, purpose, and passion as fundamental elements that keep us engaged and inspired. Steffany emphasizes that without a meaningful contribution to make, individuals may experience melancholy or a sense of emptiness. She relates this to athletes she has worked with, particularly those transitioning out of professional sports, who often find it difficult to define their worth outside their athletic achievements. Steffany stresses that early conversations around these identity shifts can alleviate some of the struggles, allowing athletes, professionals, and anyone in a similar situation to embrace new chapters with confidence.

The episode closes with the parable of the Golden Buddha, a clay statue hiding a core of solid gold. Over centuries, the gold was concealed, much like how people cover their true selves with layers of societal expectations and roles. Steffany and Patrick use this metaphor to remind listeners of the value within each person—value that can only be discovered by “chipping away” at the external identity markers. They urge listeners to ask themselves, “Who am I beneath all these roles?” and to consider how self-discovery and authenticity contribute to a meaningful, passion-driven life.